Can I get some respect please?

There is something that I think I can safely say pretty much all women want..Respect. Or atleast thats what we claim we want. Respect seems to be a dying concept and no longer is a high priority trait that is instilled into us like it used to be in the past. "Treat others the way you would want to be treated." A common saying that is greatly overlooked. When dealing with people, I feel like many times during the day we dont stop and think how would I feel being on the recieving end of the things I say and do to others.Or maybe we just dont care enough to even worry about it. What I look for in a man is to be treated with the utmost respect, and I have been unable to figure out why I cant find that. I have been doing some observing lately, and I am starting to understand why respect is such an endangered concept. Here are a few instances that I have witnessed or heard recently:

~While out once on Taco Tuesday I saw a pregnant (keyword: PREGNANT) girl in a skimpy prostitute looking dress with four inch heels chugging a beer. Let me repeat that...PREGO CHUGGING A BEER. To top it off, she after having finished hers proceeded to accept another beer from a dude. It was very disturbing to watch, and I feel sorry for that poor baby who can't help that his mother is a complete idiot.

~Have you ever stopped and really looked at yourself before going out to a club? Yes todays fashion is very cute, but we all have to admit that the average club/bar attire makes us women look like high priced call girls. Short dresses the barely cover our booty, shirts so low cut you can almost see the entire boob, high heels that are so tall we can barely walk.We are all guilty of this offense, myself included..but it truly looks so trashy. Yes we want a mans attention, which these outfits definitely attract many wandering eyes but have you ever wondered what hes thinking about you when he is looking? I couldn't tell you word for word, but I guarantee its not "Wow I really wanna take her home to meet my momma!"

~A great example; The ocho cinco show, Real Chance at love, Flavor of love. All these shows women go on to rip eachother apart and expose themselves to the world to compete for one mans "affection". For what? Exposure? You will sacrifice your own self respect just for publicity? No one is buying that these women are really on there to fall in love, it really just makes the whole idea of love a bit of a joke.

~I was watching The Bad Girls Club with two guys and they were sitting on the couch laughing the entire time. These attractive women with gobbs of makeup on their face screaming and fighting with eachother constantly. The entire show was based on drama, cat fights, and what guy they were gonna hookup with that night. What woman would ever want to be part of this?? It is pure entertainment for men to see girls acting like insane pyschopaths.

~My friend met a guy and they went out to dinner. That night after only hanging out with him for a couple hours, she had sex with him. The next day she was telling me how great he was and how they just had so much chemistry. He told her he wanted her to meet his friends, and all these sweet things to give her what I like to call false hope to help him get her in the sack. Well guess what...he never spoke to her again. Im not saying everytime you have a one stand he wont stick around, because I have heard of situations where the two people become a couple. However, if you didn't make him work very hard..or work at all for that matter then where do you expect him to respect you? He probably thinks you're just easy, I mean for all he knows you sleep with every guy you meet.

~If you're already in a relationship with a guy and you catch him cheating on you DUMP HIM. A huge mistake we make is taking someone back who has cheated. It's hard to get rid of a guy you really care about but the truth is, if he did that to you he doesn't respect you. He may like you but without respect liking you isn't enough. By taking him back after he has done that, he will feel like he can get away with things like that and you'll still be with him. I have experienced this first hand, and seen it many times.

~Now all the rap songs sing about hoes and sex. Example: The new hit Toot it and Boot it. Us ladies will be out on the floor dancing our hearts out while the guy is singing about having sex with a chick and never speaking to her again. "I met her in the club, you know I was drunk. I asked her name and then said I wanna f*** and Im YG you know I f***ed. And she f***ed back like a little slut. And she fell inlove and she feel stupid cuz you know I toot it and boot it." YG. Okay so that right there,guys are standing on the side watching us getting wild on the dance floor to this song..what in the world is he supposed to think? Haha.

These are a few things I have noticed and thought about over the past few weeks, and I can sort of understand why its becoming more and more difficult to find some respect in the dating world. We can't really blame the men I mean come on...if we dress like a slut, act like a slut, and lack morals for own self how in the world can we expect to recieve any type of respect? Men are going out and seeing so many of us women and we're not demanding the respect so they're not giving it. The problem is now, if you are one of the women out there that wants this from a man and you let him know that,alot of the time hes thinking (Oh screw this girl, she actually wants me to work for her. Why should I put in that extra work for her when I can just go to a club and find many chicks that will sleep with me right off the reel.) I'm telling you ladies, we are messing things up for ourselves big time. We need to stop letting guys think they're pimps and stop wandering around acting like little hussies. If we dont, I fear that respect will become completely extinct and lord only knows what dating would be like then.

The Giver And The Taker

When it comes to dating there seems to almost always be two roles..the giver and the taker. Ideally it would be equally split between two people, but in reality it hardly ever works out that way. I have experienced being on both sides of these roles, however I would like to talk about being the giver. When I like someone I usually try to do whatever I can to help or make that person happy. There have been times in my past where I have tried consistently to show my affection to the guy that I like, but with that didn't recieve a whole lot back. I know this happens to many people, and I have very conflicting feelings about the taker in these situations. Reason being, when I am the taker in the relationship its usually because I dont really care that much...or atleast I dont think I do. The process most of the time evolves something like this;
1. boy meets girl/girl meets girl/boy meets boy (whatever your preference is)
2. start texting (this stage is critical its where the giver/taker roles are established)
3. giver gives...and gives..in hopes that the taker will realize what a great person they have in their life and start giving back.
4. giver starts to feel discouraged.
5. now when the taker begins to sense the giver is starting to feel like things are never going to change they will most of the time give just enough to revitalize the givers hope so they wont completely go away and lose faith. There are three reasons I have concluded they do this: they either really do like the giver and are just inherently on the selfish side/dont know they like them..there is someone else they're talking to which makes it difficult to be the giver to more then one person..or because they are someone that wants attention and basically just uses that person for their own benefit whether it be sex, money, etc.
6. Giver regains atleast partial hope and continues on their routine of giving.
7. Finally the giver becomes fed up and usually will present the taker with an ultimateum..which in most cases the taker cannot follow through with it.
8. The end.

Now the process can take several years or just a few months..it depends on the givers tolerance. I have found that in past cases when I was the giver after I had accepted my failed mission and let him go that usually tends to be the time when taker has decided he is ready to give back. Absence can make you realize that you cared more then you thought. The sad part is, you will be sitting there listening to everything he is saying..things that if he said before would have tickled you pink now just make you confused. When you feel this way its most likely because hes too late, you may still care very much about him but you dont have anything left to give. Everything you thought you wanted from him..you dont want anymore. My conclusion to this is that it must be lifes way to even the score and teach the taker a lesson.


~Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone whos going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, not a place you go to take.~ Anthony Robbins

Alex and Slurring Sloppy James

I would first like to start off with an update on me to let you know that Henry (deceitful male creature from previous blogs) is now gone for good. I will not tell the story however I will say that in my disposing of him, I made a personal self vow to never experience this again. If you have to continuously ask a guy to hang out, hes flaky, has very shady excuses, or just plain makes your womanly instincts uneasy, you must get rid of him. When a guy actually likes you, he wont do all these crazy strange things that leave you confused. Now, the story that Im actually about to tell is not my own but is something my roommate Alex experienced.

Her and I went down to a little dive bar to meet with some of her friends from school. While there we met this guy named James whom was a friend of my friend. He seemed fairly goofy and awkward which I was highly encouraging of for the simple fact that I could not see any player characteristics in his silly demeanor. Being the unintentionally snoopy person I am, I just happened to hear bits and pieces of the conversation he was having with Alex and it went something like this:
Alex: Yeah Im a history major..
James: Oh yesh well I like that too..thats why I major in engineering. Im highly intellessual for sooo many reasons.. because Im drunk.

To my surprise Alex didn't seem to notice that there were so many things wrong with his sentence...my guess is that it probably had something to do with the fact that she too was quite intoxicated.

At the end of the night I offered to give slurring sloppy James a ride home along with my other guy friend. James was sitting in the back with Alex and decided to go in for a kiss, but before he actually got the chance to kiss her he lost his front tooth in the backseat of my car. He spent quite awhile looking for it and demanded that I owe him a tooth. Apparently someone had punched him in the face earlier that night and Mr. tooth had decided to wait until it was in my car to fall out. James invited Alex in and she accepted so I decided to wait for her at my guy friends house a couple streets down. Im not highly approving of going home with a stranger, but seeing that I definitely out weighed him and also new where he lived I figured it would be okay.

While in his house James kept wanting Alex to take shots with him. Hearing this story it was quite clear to me that he wanted to get her very drunk and take advantage of her. Unfortunately for him, Alex happens to be quite the drinker...In fact Im almost positive she could go head to head with a full grown D lineman from the San Diego Chargers in a drinking contest. After he was done trying to liquor her up, Alex was sitting on the couch and she heard James in the other room speaking with his roommate.
Roommate: Did you get her to take shots?
James: Yeshhh.
Roommate: Good. Now shes drunk..she totally wants it dude. Just go get her.
James: YEshh.IM really gonna...

He comes in and tries to kiss her. Once again, he isn't able to make it to that kiss because he all of a sudden jumps up runs down the hall and slams the door. Alex was feeling quite confused. She went to the door and could hear him throwing up..so she opened it and there was a very sick drunk toothless James sprawled on the bathroom floor. Seeing her he quickly yelled "SHUT THE DOOR!" That being said Alex left.

I love this story because he was trying to get her very drunk but ended up getting himself so wasted he couldn't even function. Serves him right. Next time maybe he'll think twice before he decides to listen to his scummy roommate.

Texting Adventures

Me: So you're back with your girlfriend again?

Franklin: Yeah...but I still would like to have sex with you.

Me: (Um..??) Like I said I want someone who is willing to spend time with me and get to know me not try to just get in my pants. Oh and also, another requirement would be someone who is actually single. It seems to me that clearly you're quite into that girl because you guys keep getting back together..so I'm good thanks though.

Franklin: So we cant just one time? lol

Me: Seriously..F you.

Franklin: Why it gotta be like that

Me: Why dont you just ask me "hey can I use you?" Because thats pretty much what you're saying...you're talking to me like I'm a piece of ass when I deserve some respect just like everyone else. Continue to talk to me that way and I'll talk to you like your a piece of shit..so yes it does gotta be like that..F OFF.

Franklin: So you dont like me??

Me: No...I dont know who taught you how to treat women but they did a piss poor job..you keep getting back together with someone you try to constantly cheat on which makes a whole lot of sense! I dont mean to sound rude but I have met alot of guys like you and call me crazy but I just dont have the desire to be used anymore, so if you could please leave me out of your cheating adventures that would be awesome.

Franklin: Aight I wont text you anymore bye.


I would first like to say pardon my strong use of profanity. It is not the most appealing way to talk however sometimes I feel the only way to efficiently get my point across is to use agressive innapropriate language. I mean clearly it scared him away in the conversation above, so mission accomplished. One thing I am beginning to realize is that by the time Im 30, I do believe that there wont be anything someone could say that would surprise me.

PB Bar And Grill

Living in San Diego there is a very popular place for young people to go out and have fun...it is called PB. Being only 21 for less then a year, I was very excited to discover this place. A bar hopping town by the beach? What more could a young lady want! Well the more I go there, the less I seem to like it. My encounter the other night was one that has left me quite shocked.

Alex and I were walking down the street to PB Bar And Grill. There was a pretty large line but we were fine with waiting. Out of nowhere here comes this light skinned guy and he starts telling us he can get us in right now, I immediately become suspicious. Most people...men especially always want something in return for their acts of "generosity". I tell him I have a boyfriend (Lie) and if hes looking for anything for getting me in I cant help him. He gives me this huge phony smile, and I cant help but to smile back because he has the biggest spongebob square pants gap I have ever seen. He assures me I owe him nothing...so like a dummy I accept the offer and we get in. Oh and also, one important side note I must tell you: the reason why he could get us in to this bar was because he worked there and he was just off duty for the night.

Everything seemed to be going fine and it had been an hour since I last saw Spongebob. I was to be the designated driver for the night so I had one vodka sprite and called it good. Spongebob snuck up behind me and put his arms around me. Now being the not so friendly completely uncuddly girl that I am..I did not enjoy this. He however, did not seem to care. He kept grabbing me and was trying to wrap his arms around me. Feeling the need to handle the situation like a lady I gently pushed on his chest to create some breathing space as I asked him to "please stop". Spongebob then grabbed my butt...and Im sorry but.. THAT IS MY BUTT!!! I dont understand where men started thinking that it was okay to grab a strangers behind.. incase there are any men reading this that need clarification I will help you out right now...DONT TOUCH/FONDLE/GRAB/SLAP/KISS ANYTHING THAT ISNT YOURS!!!! Now that we have that handled, I can continue on with my story.

Lady like Frances disappeared and I pretty much told him to back off. He then said something along the lines of, "Listen B**** ..I got you in here I can get you kicked out." If I would've had an object I would have definitely hit him with it. I really dont know if he thought that was going to make me say "Oh okay..well in that case..touch all you want." I just cant quite decide where he thought that statement would take him. Alex and I got away from him, and I was telling her what he said to me when what do you know...guess who walks up. Two bouncers and they tell us to follow them. Was I really being kicked out?? The answer is yes. When we got out the door they said, "Listen mam, it has been brought to my attention that you may have had too much to drink tonight." HAH!! At this point I'm extremely mad, "Oh really?? Thats funny because I have only had one drink tonight and that was over an hour ago. Are you sure it doesn't have something to do with the dirt bag with the spongebob gap???" They stared at me for a minute not saying anything until then finally the other one says, "Well your friend was swaying and closing her eyes. So I'm sorry were just going to have to call it a night." Lies. Lies. Lies.

This story not only makes me angry but I feel disappointed. I legitimately was kicked out of a bar because I asked a guy to please not sexually harrass me. That is the most crooked repulsive thing I have experienced in quite awhile. It makes me wonder how many guys get away with sexually harrassing women in PB Bar and Grill just because they're "homies" with the bouncer.

Henry

When it comes to guys I like to think that I'm fairly intuitive and not easily fooled by their lying words. However, if I have feelings for someone all my instincts become fuzzy and I can be as dumb as it gets. My guess is this happens to alot of people, and that's why liars get away with the things they do. This blog is one that I have been meaning to write for some time, but it's a very hard one for me because I'm constantly in a type of limbo with my feelings about it, and currently have not come to a definite conclusion on how this particular story will end. My blog is once again about Henry. The guy I threw my drink on and face planted infront of him. Well I didn't scare him away that night to my great suprise, but I infact still to this day talk to him. To help shorten my story I will just give little scenarios that have happened since St Pattys.


When we first started talking he told me that he had a job where he works very crazy long hours. Okay..I can deal. Then he also told me that the reason hes single is because his schedule is so crazy that women dont trust him and start to become suspicious that maybe hes seeing someone else, when in reality its just his job. OKAY...hmm..I can deal with that also. Or atleast I thought I could. What he forgot to tell me was that he can never hang out. BUT...he likes to text everyday all day long even when hes at work. Oh and did I forget to mention that he ALWAYS wants to know where I am.


I got my wisdom teeth out and he was so sweet. He kept checking on me with my roommate to see how I was doing and everything. He then came over and brought me ensure, chicken noodle soup and just sat with me all night. Maybe he does like me! ...Hmmm...


During the whole wisdom teeth event I was thinking that maybe he was starting to come around. Oh how wrong I was. Flaky never can hang out Henry returns and things go back to the way they were. He would see me about an average of once a week. Apparently, he had a two week vacation coming up and he made me a promise that I will see a change! He is still constantly texting me and telling me there are some many things he would like us to do together..so like a dummy I have hope.


His two week vacation from his ever so "demanding job" came and went. I saw him twice. Apparently his sister came to visit for four days. I dont really have any comments about this.


We eventually hang out, its pretty late at night and his phone keeps ringing. Trying not to be a snoopy girl I just kinda keep quiet about it, when in my head suspicion is at its full peak. Finally he tells me its his ex girlfriend and she keeps blowing him up. Guess what he does...he answers and leaves the room for 20 minutes to talk to her. Now all I can really say about how I was feeling was extremely bothered and shocked. Why would he leave me to talk to his ex girlfriend?? I didn't know what to do. I knew what I would tell me if this situation were happening to one of my friends...I would tell her to get up and leave NOW..hes rude and obviously there's something going on. Wish I could say I was smart and did that, but I didn't. When he come back he was saying all this stuff about how she's crazy and hes sorry that he did that to me but he didnt know what else to do..blah blah...blah.


Stupid me continues talking to him. By this time however, Im starting to get alittle irritated with what happened at his house, and how he still continues to be flaky. I decide to make one last effort to try and hang out with him so I ask what hes going to do Friday?
Henry: I dunno no plans yet.
Me: Would you like to hang out?
Henry: Uh..well you know thats the day I go out with my boys.
Me:Um okay...what are you doing saturday?
Henry: I dunno yet.
Me: Well how about Saturday?
Henry: Frances! I dont know..I have to see if anything is going on first.

He has..to see if anything is going on first. I think that last statement was where I completely lost my mind. He cant make plans with me incase something better is going on..awesome. Now from this conversation you would think that he clearly isnt interested! Let me tell you though, that he still is texting me all the time nonstop saying he wants to see me and all of this craziness that doesn't correlate with his actions in any way. So what is his deal? Does he have two split personalities??? Well after that conversation I didnt care..I sort of freaked out and said the most nasty things I could muster as a lady and told him to go away and leave me alone.


He went away..for two days. Then started texting me saying that he really misses me and would like to be able to talk about it. So we did. He asked for another chance and I gave it to him. For two weeks he was consistent and saw me quite a bit. I was so happy because I really do like him and who knows maybe when we stopped talking it made him realize.


Well, that brings you up to date with now. He bailed on me a couple days ago. Its too early to completely tell but Im pretty sure hes going back to the way he was. I know there's clearly something wrong..but I just cant quite figure it out. Im usually so good at seeing through men and their games, but now that I genuinely like this one I feel completely blind. Like I can't see, even though I know that if this were happening to anyone else I would know the answer.

Words Of Wisdom

~Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit eachother. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.~ Katherine Hepburn