Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Have you ever been on a date that completely changed your opinion on dating? Or have you ever been on a date so terrible, that it makes you feel as if you may be single forever? The story Im about to tell is one that did just that for me. His name was Steve (Usually I dont use real names but in his case I shall not change it for the simple hope that he may stumble across my blog..possibly do some self reflecting..and get a hint) Anyway, I met him at a local store that his family owns..let me first start off by telling you what he was wearing the first time I met him, because this will be important later in the story. Basketball shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing too crazy...average guy. I saw him several times before he actually asked me on a date. I remember going home so excited when he finally did. He seemed very casual and book smart which I thought had to be a plus, and a very good change for me. He suggested we go eat sushi downtown, which I was quite excited about because I happen to absolutely love sushi. Points for him!
The night of our date I did my usual girlie primping. When he arrived, I went out to his car. I opened the door and he swung a bouquet of carnations like it was a sword and almost hit me in the face. Although startled I thought it was a very nice gesture and proceeded to sit down. I could smell alcohol in the car and I casually said, "Did you pre funk a bit before you came to get me?" He laughed and told me he had a few glasses of champagne with his buddy alittle bit ago. Why two men would drink champagne together is beyond me..however I wasnt concerned with just a few glasses. (Little did I know that later he would confess to me that they had actually drank about two bottles of champagne).
We started to head downtown and he made his first confession...he had no idea where there was a sushi place. While driving he was trying to look up sushi restaurants, and was swirving just slightly. (Now from my previous blog you will reconize I really dont enjoy when men drive erratically with me in the car, its definitely a mood killer) In the search for a sushi restaurant we ran a total of three red lights, swirved into a different lane twice, and turned the wrong way on a one way. At this point, I was completely sweating. When I say sweating I mean I was about to have a nervous breakdown, and then he made confession number two..which was how much he really drank with his friend. Just as he was making this confession and I was getting ready to jump out the car window in hopes of salvaging my life, we passed RA sushi. It was a miracle.
He pulled over, and even though I wanted to ring his neck for his terrible driving habits I decided that he needed some time to sober up before he drove me home. When he got out of the car, I for the very first time got a chance to see the outfit he had picked for our date. He was wearing extremely tight black skinny jeans that were way too short, blue socks, black vans, a green and pink striped button up shirt, and a long black trench coat. I could not stop staring because he just looked so silly. I did come to the conclusion that Im pretty sure he dressed AFTER he had already drank the two bottles of champagne. What happened to the cool casual guy I saw at the store???? While walking next to Bobo the clown the conversation starter he chose happened to be..."Man it feels good to be driving again." This raised some questions so I asked, "Do you not drive much?" He laughed, "Well I just got my license back, I got a DUI about a year ago." Im not sure exactly what went through my mind at that moment..but it probably looked something like this (.....??..!!!?!?!...) Apparently, $10,000 and those classes they require you to take didn't teach him much.
Walking into RA the hostess greeted us with a smile and said, "For two?" I nodded thinking, yes..unfortunately he is..with me. While looking at the menu I asked him what he was thinking about ordering, and he then informed me that fish repulses him. Lets just reflect back, remember when I mentioned HE..not I...HE suggested we go to sushi. I never said anything about liking sushi, so Im not exactly sure why he threw that idea out if fish repulses him. The waitress arrived and asked if we wanted to start off with anything to drink, I laughed and replied, " know I think we're just gonna kinda sober up a bit for a while." She then took my order and walked off. Steve didn't order anything because along with the champagne, him and his buddy had some carne asada fries before. But thats fine, I love to eat and have people just sit and watch me.
We were sitting at the sushi bar so I got to watch the sushi chef make my rolls, and what do you know, he happened to be attractive. Something lovely to distract my eyes sounded good to me. In my attempt to keep converstaion going I said, "So..tell me about you." I said the words, the flood gates opened and the mindless chatter began. "Well me you know, got a DUI, Im 25..Im like super good with numbers..I like to skateboard..and I love computers..OH WOW I mean I love computers I have like two at home..I live with my parents..and I just never ever want to leave.." (Never want to leave..hmm..well Steve my dear if you dont stop driving probably will never be able to afford to leave) He continued, "Yeah I just love it at my moms house, she makes me food, and I stay up like all night playing poker online..yeah thats actually how I make my living." (Cool. Remind me to call my mom later, she always warned me against obsessive gamblers.) AND he continued, "But yeah..I like all online stuff..that reminds me do you have a facebook? I can show you my facebook if you want..I have some cool skating videos on here and...." Now his chatter continued, Its just I cant quite recall the rest of what he said, most likely because my ADD kicked in and saved the day. I instead was focused on the cute sushi man who kept smiling at me. Steve did manage to steal my attention back when he must have made a funny and started laughing,it sounded something like this...HAHAHAHA WEEEEEEEEEE! My ADD is definitely not strong enough to tune something that strange out..Did he really just say WEE? The only words that I could possibly get out of my mouth were, "Wee?" He chuckled, clearly thinking nothing of the fact that he just pretty much screamed WEE in a public area. "Yeah wee, its kinda like the thing I say when I think something is really funny." Oh....Dear...God. I flagged the waitress down, "You know I..actually..I think Im gonna have that martini..and most likely another one after that." There was no way I was going to get through this date completely sober. I was positive that if I didnt have a drink RIGHT NOW I may beat him up.
Luckily I didn't have to think of anything nice to say because he was still mindlessly speaking. The sushi chef started winking at me here and there, which in any other situation I would consider a good thing, but between Bobo's intelligent conversation and winking chef man I was beginning to feel extreme discomfort. Steve happened to notice the chefs friendly behavior and to my surprise he turned and said to me, "Oh see hes such a nice restaurant person, I just love when customer service goes that extra step to be friendly." And he pulls out a twenty dollar bill and hands it to the chef. Did my date just tip someone for silently hitting on me?...I never imagined that ever happening.
One plus from our date was that he paid for my meal. I did have to help add up the tip and the total though..which I found very ironic condsidering he told me he was practically a numbers genius.
On the way back to my house he suddenly pulled over and told me we were going to stop in this little bar real quick. Now if this bar hadn't been a few blocks from my house I would have objected, but the way I saw it I could easily run home. Except I didn't have much to worry about because literally five minutes after we walked in we had to leave because Bobo was experiencing anxiety. He told me there were just too many people in the bar and he had to get out.
Sitting infront of my place I was so relieved to be home SAFE. He wanted to come in and hang out. When he made this statement I suddenly felt as if him and I had been on two completely different dates. Did he honestly think I would invite him
in after that experience?
After this night, I can honestly say that going on dates has kind of lost its sparkle for me. I feel as if I may need to give the guy a thorough background check before accepting a date request. You will be happy to know that Bobo sent me a lovely text the next day saying "I kept waiting for some action but you were being lame." You will be even happier to know that once I read that disrespectful text I sent him the worse possible reply my mind could muster..unfortunately it is not appropriate for public viewing. Just know that I told him where to go.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

What is a good woman???

I stumbled across something on Facebook that I found very interesting. It struck my attention so much that I wanted to include it in one of my blogs. A guy posted this on his status, and several people commented on it. Myself included.

Facebook man: Is wondering what is a good woman really?? I hear so many say they are "good women", just kuz you say it dont mean you are one. Actions speak louder then words...Can I please hear from the ladies, I already know what da men got to

Girl #1: Honest, loyal, understanding, supportive, fun, loving, committed & will stick by your side no matter what. A good man brings out the good woman in all of us.

Girl #2: A gud woman dont have to say shes 1...You can tell by the fruit she bears!!! Prime example your mother and your sisters!!!

Girl #3: A good woman is loyal, honest, loving, supportive, someone who's not about playing games. She knows what she wants and what she needs to do to get there, she knows what she will and wont put up with, shes independant but knows how to be submissive/compromise, shes that ryde or die chick, and she always keeps in 100!

Facebook Man: Challenging exactly sis! Maybe dats my problem, you guys made my expectations soooooooo high!! Its ur guys fault! lol

Random Male: I feel ya brodie where are the "REAL" women at and not fake closet hoes?

Girl #4: A good woman doesnt have to announce it, she is it.

Girl #2: I appologize for us then bruh lol but you know how we do..cook clean work and pray!

Random Male: Its hard findin the right one, as we get older the pool get shallower! Now you know why ya boy is livin single.

Facebook Man: Your right!!!

My Response: I think men have a hard time finding a good woman because they try to fit her into a criteria of characteristics...and if one is missing then she must not really be a good woman. All the comments on your status show what I mean, almost every person was listing things. A good woman makes mistakes...a good woman does lie..but because shes HUMAN not because shes bad. You dont need to have all these guidelines for what a good woman is..if you do you may never find her. If a woman really loves you, she will be good to you, and that my friend is all that matters. :0)

I found it so interesting that a guy would post this...I mean I think I can speak for many women when I say that guys dont really seem to go for the "good women". I suppose eventually in the end yes, but they wonder why they cant find her yet they talk to girls like theyre pieces of meat. If you go out hunting for a one night stand..then youre going to find a one night stand type of girl.
To my dismay, I noticed when writing my response that I compare men to a list of characteristics as well. Im quite disappointed in myself.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Blind Date

I would like to start off my blog with my first blind date experience. A friend of mine insisted I go out with her boyfriend's friend because she had met him the previous weekend and said we would be completely perfect for eachother. Looking back on the experience, I can't help but wonder what it was that I could have possibly done to upset her that would make her want to set me up with Adam.

So the plans were made and he agreed to pick me up. Before the date I took several hours getting ready quite excited to meet the guy my "good friend" said was my match. Let me first just say, that I'm not really a fan of blonde men..even though I am blonde I just dont find them very attractive. In fact, I sort of stick with the motto..the darker the better. So who else would pull up..but a tall guy with spiky blonde hair. I was slightly discouraged but I refused to discriminate because he wasn't my type lookwise in any way..I mean you never know he could have a sparkling personality.

After the very awkward greeting we shared (which in my early adult life have found out that this awkward greeting happens pretty much everytime you go on a first date), we got into the car to head to Cucina Cucina's to eat before our movie. He was very chatty during the ride which I usually would consider a good thing, however he was following so close to the car in front of him that I could pretty much see the texture on the license plate. My eyes aren't very good so this clearly means he was scary close. He had both hands on the steering wheel and was leaning forward almost resting his chin on the wheel...picturing this in your head right now you probably are thinking that it sounds like a very strange position to be in while driving...which trust me it looks as bad in person as it sounds on paper. I was trying to think of a way to explain to him that he was making me nervous without having another awkward moment in less then an hour. I ended up telling him casually that his driving was sort of wild..and he laughed. Mission Failed.

Surprisingly, I made it to the restaurant. When sitting down at the booth I sat on the end of one side thinking he would sit across from me...but no he apparently really wanted to sit RIGHT beside me. When the food arrived I was unable to properly use my right hand to eat my pasta because he was sitting so close that he was pressed literally up against my arm and me up against the wall. I kept glancing over at all the room on the other side of him (Special Note: I was quite a bit younger in this story, which is why I struggled to find words to not offend him in every situation we that Im older I don't really mind embarrassing them..its a great feature that comes with age.) Once I regained full use of my hand thanks to clever wording on my part, my mood began to improve. Shortly after he knocked over the bowl of oil and vinegar the server had given us for dipping our bread..and luckily it completely missed him and landed on my pants. Again...he laughed.

After our meal we walked over to the theater where I was sporting a very large stain on my pants and a wonderful vinegar aroma. He picked the movie Stuck On You. When we first sat down I was thanking the Lord for the little armchair dividers in between the seats. Apparently he was not as fond of them as I was..because he was leaning over the divider to try and get closer to me. Now I think its very important to say that I have space issues and I'm not a huge fan of people being extremely his behavior was causing me to have slight anxiety. The movie he picked was very corny.. and to top it off he kept whispering random flirty comments in my ear. Which would have not been so bad..if he didnt suffer from a mild case of mummy breath. Finally he decided to be bold and ask me the big question..He had a lisp so it came out something like this.. "Soo..Im turning eighteen nexssssssst week, do I get a birthhhday kissssss?" My mind went into complete panic...his breath was terrible...he was in my space..and now he wants a kiss!? Hmmm....ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
Now I have always wondered..what in the world makes a guy ask this question on the first date? He should never...I repeat NEVER ask to kiss you on the first date. If it happens..hey it happens..but to ask so early its just not a good idea.

Anyway..I was sitting there not knowing what to say so I decided to roll with something along these lines, "Haha..well I don't kiss people I don't know." (Special Note To All The Women: I have used this statement several times...and not once has it actually worked. Immediately after this is said men start trying to prove that you know them. Even if this is your first date a man will whip out everything in his power to prove that he knows you well enough for a kiss.) What they dont realize is that if we actually wanted to kiss you, we would not have said it in the first place.

In his final plea to seduce a kiss out of me, he put his mouth close to my ear and took a very deep breath...and he huffed..and he puffed...and he blew like he was trying to blow out all eighteen of his candles. But I have to give him points for trying because the blowing in the ear tactic can theory. However, I feel as if when he was being informed of this strategy they left out a very important tip, that when blowing you probably shouldnt blow as hard as you can. If you made her hair move, then you need to tone it down just a bit.

You will be happy to know that I made it through the movie and all the way home without a kiss from Tutankhamun the mummy. Clearly, I knew that we would never go on a date again. Unfortunately he did not come to the same conclusion, and was persistant for quite some time after our date. He did over time eventually give up like they always do. This was my first blind date experience, and will most likely be my last. I have decided that even though I love my friends with all my heart, I should not leave it up to them to pick a man for me.