Thursday, October 21, 2010

Oh boy.

Have you ever dated anyone who you were absolutely crazy about? Someone who you could never see yourself being without? Then one day something happens, and just like that they're gone like all the others. Relationships are tough, especially letting them go. This story is about my new roommate and her now ex boyfriend.

Candice and I had decided to go out for a drink and have some roomie bonding time, being that she just recently moved in. We happened to be at a bar right down the street from her boyfriends house, and she thought that we should stop by so I could meet him. As we were walking she kept telling me, "You'll really like him, hes great." So I said, "Shouldn't you call him to see if hes home?" It always makes me uneasy popping in on people without letting them know I'm coming first, I'm not a huge fan of surprises. "Nah..Hes home. I spoke to him earlier," she assured me. There's one thing she was correct about, he was definitely home. As we approached his door the blinds were open and there he was...on the couch...with another girl...being quite friendly. As one can imagine, the situation got scary awkward, to the point where I decided it was best for me to stand in silence and just..stare. Candice started pounding on the door, when her boyfriend realized it was her he quickly closed the blinds and would not answer the door. Im not sure why he even bothered doing this, its not like much could save him after his affectionate display. My roomie was now furious..calling him yelling, pounding on the door, just pretty much completely wildin' out. She had me wondering what I would do in this exact situation.

Finally when she realized he wasn't going to answer the door she shouted, "Fine! I hope you like that B**** more then you like your PORSCHE!!" Oh boy. With that being said she stormed over to his car and began pulling at his windshield wipers. So heres the thing...vandalizing a car is not really ever appropriate, however I had to sympathize with the poor girl..she just witnessed her boyfriend whom she thought was a superb guy cheating..the girl he was cheating with is still inside.. he wont let her in his place and to top it all off she was humilated infront of her brand new roommate. This is a very tough situation, in which case I had to choose my words very wisely, " Candice. I'm not going to stop you because I know in some strange way this is probably therapeutic for you..but I feel it is my duty as your roommate to make you aware that if you continue we may very well have an officer knocking on the front door tomorrow morning eager to speak with you." She shrugged and shouted, "I dont give a f***!" Hmm..Alrighty then.

He never came out of his apartment, which seriously suprises me. When I was finally able to get her to leave and go home she had done a significant amount of damage to the car. All in all she ripped off his windshield wipers, busted his headlights, keyed his car, and tore off both his license plates. WHOA. Now if we were back in Seattle where I grew up, tearing off a dudes windshield wipers would be a low blow. Take the doors off but dont take the wipers, you can't even operate your vehicle with all that rain. You'd be just super stuck.

On the car ride home we sat in silence for most of the way then after awhile she said, "I understand why you dont date." And that was it. We haven't really spoke about that night since it happened, but I still think about how terrible it must have been for her. Yes, she did destroy his car..but her feelings were really hurt by someone she cared about. Situations like these are some of the reasons why I dont date. I hate getting hurt and being lied to, so much that I avoid relationships almost completely. Why do so many people cheat? I have never been able to make sense of it. My best guess is that its a lack of maturity, and the need for excessive attention. Whatever the reason may be, it doesn't excuse any of it.

My closing statement is a special note to all the cheaters who may someday come across my blog; If you have zero self control, or you're really just that selfish dont try making a commitment to someone if you know that you can't stick with it. If you cheat on someone you love, then you dont deserve them.. so why even bother lying? Save everyone else the time and wasted effort, and just be upfront with your player like tendancies. You'll find it much easier then pretending to be something youre not.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

What Animal Would You Be?

As I have mentioned in a previous blog, I'm not a huge fan of cheesy pickup lines. However, for the first time in quite awhile I heard a line that I didn't hate.

Allie and I were out just having a very casual night listening to music (if you haven't noticed casual happens to be my favorite scene) when a guy with bright red hair approaches us. He says, "Hello ladies, may I ask you a question?" As I was mentally preparing myself for something incredibly stupid to come out of his mouth I said, "Sure...why not." He then said, "Well my buddies and I over there have been discussing with eachother what animal we think we would be, and I was wondering..what animal would you ladies be?" What a great question! Haha..I happen to be quite the animal lover, so this stinker butt is in luck and has succeeded in efficiently capturing my attention. Allie answers, "A killer whale because I love the ocean and they are the number one predator in the water." sweet friend Allie (whom always wears a flower in her hair) would like to be the oceans number one killer..if that didn't catch his attention I dont know what will. They dabbled on in conversation for a moment and he then turned to me waiting for my answer. So I asked, "Well what animal would you like to be?" He smiled, "I decided that I would like to be a dog." Hah..funny I was thinking the same thing. He continued, "Cause you know they are fed and played with everyday...and they always have someone to take care of them. It just seems like a great life..laying around all day having your master get you everything you need. So what about you miss lady?" While he was saying this I had a sudden epiphany of what marriage would be like for his future wife. "Well I mean that sounds pretty great...for the dog atleast. But umm..If I could be an animal I think I would be a wolf." He raised his eyebrows in friend just said she wanted to be a dangerous ocean creature and he acted like that was normal and all I said was I wanted to be a wolf and he looked at me like I'm the one he should be alarmed about. "Why would you want to be a wolf?" I said, "I think a wolf suits me quite well, they are great hunters but more of a shadow dweller..something that listens and watches very intently. Im not shy or introverted, just sort of private and wolves are that way too." He replied, "So you're independant? Your eye color definitely says that about you." My eye color? I have never heard this before, and he must've noticed the look on my face because he continued, "They say that people with lighter eyes tend to be more comfortable in their own skin and with being alone then others with dark eyes." Now I'm not sure if this is a real statistic or anything but I have a very hard time believing it.
He continued to talk to us for a couple minutes longer, until Allie stood up as a clear sign that she was done with our chat. Later that night I saw that red headed man walk up to two other girls and guess what...he asked them the exact same question! Haha. Oh you men..I just love it. I am fully aware that many guys do this, if it doesn't work on one try another..and I have to admit it is alot easier then treating each girl different and having to think of a new thing to say to each one you try to mack on. In fact, one night when I go out I'm going to try this. I dont usually.. wait no correction..I NEVER approach men but I think I shall try it one night for the sake of pure entertainment. Just to see how guys react to my creative pickup line that I use numerous times throughout the night, who knows maybe one will even call me out on it. That would be lovely!
On a different note, for my extreme hate of pickup lines I actually enjoyed this one. He was creative, and it was a question he could technically ask anybody. So props for him!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Can I get some respect please?

There is something that I think I can safely say pretty much all women want..Respect. Or atleast thats what we claim we want. Respect seems to be a dying concept and no longer is a high priority trait that is instilled into us like it used to be in the past. "Treat others the way you would want to be treated." A common saying that is greatly overlooked. When dealing with people, I feel like many times during the day we dont stop and think how would I feel being on the recieving end of the things I say and do to others.Or maybe we just dont care enough to even worry about it. What I look for in a man is to be treated with the utmost respect, and I have been unable to figure out why I cant find that. I have been doing some observing lately, and I am starting to understand why respect is such an endangered concept. Here are a few instances that I have witnessed or heard recently:

~While out once on Taco Tuesday I saw a pregnant (keyword: PREGNANT) girl in a skimpy prostitute looking dress with four inch heels chugging a beer. Let me repeat that...PREGO CHUGGING A BEER. To top it off, she after having finished hers proceeded to accept another beer from a dude. It was very disturbing to watch, and I feel sorry for that poor baby who can't help that his mother is a complete idiot.

~Have you ever stopped and really looked at yourself before going out to a club? Yes todays fashion is very cute, but we all have to admit that the average club/bar attire makes us women look like high priced call girls. Short dresses the barely cover our booty, shirts so low cut you can almost see the entire boob, high heels that are so tall we can barely walk.We are all guilty of this offense, myself included..but it truly looks so trashy. Yes we want a mans attention, which these outfits definitely attract many wandering eyes but have you ever wondered what hes thinking about you when he is looking? I couldn't tell you word for word, but I guarantee its not "Wow I really wanna take her home to meet my momma!"

~A great example; The ocho cinco show, Real Chance at love, Flavor of love. All these shows women go on to rip eachother apart and expose themselves to the world to compete for one mans "affection". For what? Exposure? You will sacrifice your own self respect just for publicity? No one is buying that these women are really on there to fall in love, it really just makes the whole idea of love a bit of a joke.

~I was watching The Bad Girls Club with two guys and they were sitting on the couch laughing the entire time. These attractive women with gobbs of makeup on their face screaming and fighting with eachother constantly. The entire show was based on drama, cat fights, and what guy they were gonna hookup with that night. What woman would ever want to be part of this?? It is pure entertainment for men to see girls acting like insane pyschopaths.

~My friend met a guy and they went out to dinner. That night after only hanging out with him for a couple hours, she had sex with him. The next day she was telling me how great he was and how they just had so much chemistry. He told her he wanted her to meet his friends, and all these sweet things to give her what I like to call false hope to help him get her in the sack. Well guess what...he never spoke to her again. Im not saying everytime you have a one stand he wont stick around, because I have heard of situations where the two people become a couple. However, if you didn't make him work very hard..or work at all for that matter then where do you expect him to respect you? He probably thinks you're just easy, I mean for all he knows you sleep with every guy you meet.

~If you're already in a relationship with a guy and you catch him cheating on you DUMP HIM. A huge mistake we make is taking someone back who has cheated. It's hard to get rid of a guy you really care about but the truth is, if he did that to you he doesn't respect you. He may like you but without respect liking you isn't enough. By taking him back after he has done that, he will feel like he can get away with things like that and you'll still be with him. I have experienced this first hand, and seen it many times.

~Now all the rap songs sing about hoes and sex. Example: The new hit Toot it and Boot it. Us ladies will be out on the floor dancing our hearts out while the guy is singing about having sex with a chick and never speaking to her again. "I met her in the club, you know I was drunk. I asked her name and then said I wanna f*** and Im YG you know I f***ed. And she f***ed back like a little slut. And she fell inlove and she feel stupid cuz you know I toot it and boot it." YG. Okay so that right there,guys are standing on the side watching us getting wild on the dance floor to this song..what in the world is he supposed to think? Haha.

These are a few things I have noticed and thought about over the past few weeks, and I can sort of understand why its becoming more and more difficult to find some respect in the dating world. We can't really blame the men I mean come on...if we dress like a slut, act like a slut, and lack morals for own self how in the world can we expect to recieve any type of respect? Men are going out and seeing so many of us women and we're not demanding the respect so they're not giving it. The problem is now, if you are one of the women out there that wants this from a man and you let him know that,alot of the time hes thinking (Oh screw this girl, she actually wants me to work for her. Why should I put in that extra work for her when I can just go to a club and find many chicks that will sleep with me right off the reel.) I'm telling you ladies, we are messing things up for ourselves big time. We need to stop letting guys think they're pimps and stop wandering around acting like little hussies. If we dont, I fear that respect will become completely extinct and lord only knows what dating would be like then.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Giver And The Taker

When it comes to dating there seems to almost always be two roles..the giver and the taker. Ideally it would be equally split between two people, but in reality it hardly ever works out that way. I have experienced being on both sides of these roles, however I would like to talk about being the giver. When I like someone I usually try to do whatever I can to help or make that person happy. There have been times in my past where I have tried consistently to show my affection to the guy that I like, but with that didn't recieve a whole lot back. I know this happens to many people, and I have very conflicting feelings about the taker in these situations. Reason being, when I am the taker in the relationship its usually because I dont really care that much...or atleast I dont think I do. The process most of the time evolves something like this;
1. boy meets girl/girl meets girl/boy meets boy (whatever your preference is)
2. start texting (this stage is critical its where the giver/taker roles are established)
3. giver gives...and hopes that the taker will realize what a great person they have in their life and start giving back.
4. giver starts to feel discouraged.
5. now when the taker begins to sense the giver is starting to feel like things are never going to change they will most of the time give just enough to revitalize the givers hope so they wont completely go away and lose faith. There are three reasons I have concluded they do this: they either really do like the giver and are just inherently on the selfish side/dont know they like them..there is someone else they're talking to which makes it difficult to be the giver to more then one person..or because they are someone that wants attention and basically just uses that person for their own benefit whether it be sex, money, etc.
6. Giver regains atleast partial hope and continues on their routine of giving.
7. Finally the giver becomes fed up and usually will present the taker with an ultimateum..which in most cases the taker cannot follow through with it.
8. The end.

Now the process can take several years or just a few depends on the givers tolerance. I have found that in past cases when I was the giver after I had accepted my failed mission and let him go that usually tends to be the time when taker has decided he is ready to give back. Absence can make you realize that you cared more then you thought. The sad part is, you will be sitting there listening to everything he is saying..things that if he said before would have tickled you pink now just make you confused. When you feel this way its most likely because hes too late, you may still care very much about him but you dont have anything left to give. Everything you thought you wanted from dont want anymore. My conclusion to this is that it must be lifes way to even the score and teach the taker a lesson.

~Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone whos going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, not a place you go to take.~ Anthony Robbins

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Alex and Slurring Sloppy James

I would first like to start off with an update on me to let you know that Henry (deceitful male creature from previous blogs) is now gone for good. I will not tell the story however I will say that in my disposing of him, I made a personal self vow to never experience this again. If you have to continuously ask a guy to hang out, hes flaky, has very shady excuses, or just plain makes your womanly instincts uneasy, you must get rid of him. When a guy actually likes you, he wont do all these crazy strange things that leave you confused. Now, the story that Im actually about to tell is not my own but is something my roommate Alex experienced.

Her and I went down to a little dive bar to meet with some of her friends from school. While there we met this guy named James whom was a friend of my friend. He seemed fairly goofy and awkward which I was highly encouraging of for the simple fact that I could not see any player characteristics in his silly demeanor. Being the unintentionally snoopy person I am, I just happened to hear bits and pieces of the conversation he was having with Alex and it went something like this:
Alex: Yeah Im a history major..
James: Oh yesh well I like that too..thats why I major in engineering. Im highly intellessual for sooo many reasons.. because Im drunk.

To my surprise Alex didn't seem to notice that there were so many things wrong with his guess is that it probably had something to do with the fact that she too was quite intoxicated.

At the end of the night I offered to give slurring sloppy James a ride home along with my other guy friend. James was sitting in the back with Alex and decided to go in for a kiss, but before he actually got the chance to kiss her he lost his front tooth in the backseat of my car. He spent quite awhile looking for it and demanded that I owe him a tooth. Apparently someone had punched him in the face earlier that night and Mr. tooth had decided to wait until it was in my car to fall out. James invited Alex in and she accepted so I decided to wait for her at my guy friends house a couple streets down. Im not highly approving of going home with a stranger, but seeing that I definitely out weighed him and also new where he lived I figured it would be okay.

While in his house James kept wanting Alex to take shots with him. Hearing this story it was quite clear to me that he wanted to get her very drunk and take advantage of her. Unfortunately for him, Alex happens to be quite the drinker...In fact Im almost positive she could go head to head with a full grown D lineman from the San Diego Chargers in a drinking contest. After he was done trying to liquor her up, Alex was sitting on the couch and she heard James in the other room speaking with his roommate.
Roommate: Did you get her to take shots?
James: Yeshhh.
Roommate: Good. Now shes drunk..she totally wants it dude. Just go get her.
James: YEshh.IM really gonna...

He comes in and tries to kiss her. Once again, he isn't able to make it to that kiss because he all of a sudden jumps up runs down the hall and slams the door. Alex was feeling quite confused. She went to the door and could hear him throwing she opened it and there was a very sick drunk toothless James sprawled on the bathroom floor. Seeing her he quickly yelled "SHUT THE DOOR!" That being said Alex left.

I love this story because he was trying to get her very drunk but ended up getting himself so wasted he couldn't even function. Serves him right. Next time maybe he'll think twice before he decides to listen to his scummy roommate.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Texting Adventures

Me: So you're back with your girlfriend again?

Franklin: Yeah...but I still would like to have sex with you.

Me: (Um..??) Like I said I want someone who is willing to spend time with me and get to know me not try to just get in my pants. Oh and also, another requirement would be someone who is actually single. It seems to me that clearly you're quite into that girl because you guys keep getting back I'm good thanks though.

Franklin: So we cant just one time? lol

Me: Seriously..F you.

Franklin: Why it gotta be like that

Me: Why dont you just ask me "hey can I use you?" Because thats pretty much what you're're talking to me like I'm a piece of ass when I deserve some respect just like everyone else. Continue to talk to me that way and I'll talk to you like your a piece of yes it does gotta be like that..F OFF.

Franklin: So you dont like me??

Me: No...I dont know who taught you how to treat women but they did a piss poor keep getting back together with someone you try to constantly cheat on which makes a whole lot of sense! I dont mean to sound rude but I have met alot of guys like you and call me crazy but I just dont have the desire to be used anymore, so if you could please leave me out of your cheating adventures that would be awesome.

Franklin: Aight I wont text you anymore bye.

I would first like to say pardon my strong use of profanity. It is not the most appealing way to talk however sometimes I feel the only way to efficiently get my point across is to use agressive innapropriate language. I mean clearly it scared him away in the conversation above, so mission accomplished. One thing I am beginning to realize is that by the time Im 30, I do believe that there wont be anything someone could say that would surprise me.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

PB Bar And Grill

Living in San Diego there is a very popular place for young people to go out and have is called PB. Being only 21 for less then a year, I was very excited to discover this place. A bar hopping town by the beach? What more could a young lady want! Well the more I go there, the less I seem to like it. My encounter the other night was one that has left me quite shocked.

Alex and I were walking down the street to PB Bar And Grill. There was a pretty large line but we were fine with waiting. Out of nowhere here comes this light skinned guy and he starts telling us he can get us in right now, I immediately become suspicious. Most especially always want something in return for their acts of "generosity". I tell him I have a boyfriend (Lie) and if hes looking for anything for getting me in I cant help him. He gives me this huge phony smile, and I cant help but to smile back because he has the biggest spongebob square pants gap I have ever seen. He assures me I owe him like a dummy I accept the offer and we get in. Oh and also, one important side note I must tell you: the reason why he could get us in to this bar was because he worked there and he was just off duty for the night.

Everything seemed to be going fine and it had been an hour since I last saw Spongebob. I was to be the designated driver for the night so I had one vodka sprite and called it good. Spongebob snuck up behind me and put his arms around me. Now being the not so friendly completely uncuddly girl that I am..I did not enjoy this. He however, did not seem to care. He kept grabbing me and was trying to wrap his arms around me. Feeling the need to handle the situation like a lady I gently pushed on his chest to create some breathing space as I asked him to "please stop". Spongebob then grabbed my butt...and Im sorry but.. THAT IS MY BUTT!!! I dont understand where men started thinking that it was okay to grab a strangers behind.. incase there are any men reading this that need clarification I will help you out right now...DONT TOUCH/FONDLE/GRAB/SLAP/KISS ANYTHING THAT ISNT YOURS!!!! Now that we have that handled, I can continue on with my story.

Lady like Frances disappeared and I pretty much told him to back off. He then said something along the lines of, "Listen B**** ..I got you in here I can get you kicked out." If I would've had an object I would have definitely hit him with it. I really dont know if he thought that was going to make me say "Oh okay..well in that case..touch all you want." I just cant quite decide where he thought that statement would take him. Alex and I got away from him, and I was telling her what he said to me when what do you know...guess who walks up. Two bouncers and they tell us to follow them. Was I really being kicked out?? The answer is yes. When we got out the door they said, "Listen mam, it has been brought to my attention that you may have had too much to drink tonight." HAH!! At this point I'm extremely mad, "Oh really?? Thats funny because I have only had one drink tonight and that was over an hour ago. Are you sure it doesn't have something to do with the dirt bag with the spongebob gap???" They stared at me for a minute not saying anything until then finally the other one says, "Well your friend was swaying and closing her eyes. So I'm sorry were just going to have to call it a night." Lies. Lies. Lies.

This story not only makes me angry but I feel disappointed. I legitimately was kicked out of a bar because I asked a guy to please not sexually harrass me. That is the most crooked repulsive thing I have experienced in quite awhile. It makes me wonder how many guys get away with sexually harrassing women in PB Bar and Grill just because they're "homies" with the bouncer.

Saturday, June 26, 2010


When it comes to guys I like to think that I'm fairly intuitive and not easily fooled by their lying words. However, if I have feelings for someone all my instincts become fuzzy and I can be as dumb as it gets. My guess is this happens to alot of people, and that's why liars get away with the things they do. This blog is one that I have been meaning to write for some time, but it's a very hard one for me because I'm constantly in a type of limbo with my feelings about it, and currently have not come to a definite conclusion on how this particular story will end. My blog is once again about Henry. The guy I threw my drink on and face planted infront of him. Well I didn't scare him away that night to my great suprise, but I infact still to this day talk to him. To help shorten my story I will just give little scenarios that have happened since St Pattys.

When we first started talking he told me that he had a job where he works very crazy long hours. Okay..I can deal. Then he also told me that the reason hes single is because his schedule is so crazy that women dont trust him and start to become suspicious that maybe hes seeing someone else, when in reality its just his job. OKAY...hmm..I can deal with that also. Or atleast I thought I could. What he forgot to tell me was that he can never hang out. BUT...he likes to text everyday all day long even when hes at work. Oh and did I forget to mention that he ALWAYS wants to know where I am.

I got my wisdom teeth out and he was so sweet. He kept checking on me with my roommate to see how I was doing and everything. He then came over and brought me ensure, chicken noodle soup and just sat with me all night. Maybe he does like me! ...Hmmm...

During the whole wisdom teeth event I was thinking that maybe he was starting to come around. Oh how wrong I was. Flaky never can hang out Henry returns and things go back to the way they were. He would see me about an average of once a week. Apparently, he had a two week vacation coming up and he made me a promise that I will see a change! He is still constantly texting me and telling me there are some many things he would like us to do like a dummy I have hope.

His two week vacation from his ever so "demanding job" came and went. I saw him twice. Apparently his sister came to visit for four days. I dont really have any comments about this.

We eventually hang out, its pretty late at night and his phone keeps ringing. Trying not to be a snoopy girl I just kinda keep quiet about it, when in my head suspicion is at its full peak. Finally he tells me its his ex girlfriend and she keeps blowing him up. Guess what he does...he answers and leaves the room for 20 minutes to talk to her. Now all I can really say about how I was feeling was extremely bothered and shocked. Why would he leave me to talk to his ex girlfriend?? I didn't know what to do. I knew what I would tell me if this situation were happening to one of my friends...I would tell her to get up and leave NOW..hes rude and obviously there's something going on. Wish I could say I was smart and did that, but I didn't. When he come back he was saying all this stuff about how she's crazy and hes sorry that he did that to me but he didnt know what else to do..blah blah...blah.

Stupid me continues talking to him. By this time however, Im starting to get alittle irritated with what happened at his house, and how he still continues to be flaky. I decide to make one last effort to try and hang out with him so I ask what hes going to do Friday?
Henry: I dunno no plans yet.
Me: Would you like to hang out?
Henry: Uh..well you know thats the day I go out with my boys.
Me:Um okay...what are you doing saturday?
Henry: I dunno yet.
Me: Well how about Saturday?
Henry: Frances! I dont know..I have to see if anything is going on first.

He see if anything is going on first. I think that last statement was where I completely lost my mind. He cant make plans with me incase something better is going on..awesome. Now from this conversation you would think that he clearly isnt interested! Let me tell you though, that he still is texting me all the time nonstop saying he wants to see me and all of this craziness that doesn't correlate with his actions in any way. So what is his deal? Does he have two split personalities??? Well after that conversation I didnt care..I sort of freaked out and said the most nasty things I could muster as a lady and told him to go away and leave me alone.

He went away..for two days. Then started texting me saying that he really misses me and would like to be able to talk about it. So we did. He asked for another chance and I gave it to him. For two weeks he was consistent and saw me quite a bit. I was so happy because I really do like him and who knows maybe when we stopped talking it made him realize.

Well, that brings you up to date with now. He bailed on me a couple days ago. Its too early to completely tell but Im pretty sure hes going back to the way he was. I know there's clearly something wrong..but I just cant quite figure it out. Im usually so good at seeing through men and their games, but now that I genuinely like this one I feel completely blind. Like I can't see, even though I know that if this were happening to anyone else I would know the answer.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Words Of Wisdom

~Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit eachother. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.~ Katherine Hepburn

Monday, May 31, 2010

The Pick up Line Plague

I would like to begin my blog with a very simple statement...I hate...and I repeat..I HATE pick up lines. I mean who falls for those? Does anyone? I would love to know if there are any women in the world that actually dig pick up lines. It baffles my mind to think that there may be some who do, however if there weren't then why would men use them so often? I'm not quite sure if it was always this way, but everything is a mind game. I like to think that dating wasn't always such a game of trickery back in the old days, and because I dont have any information to prove my wish wrong I will roll with the decision that men have just recently started saying stupid things to women in the last 20 or 30 years.

Awhile ago I was out with my roommate, we were at a bar just kinda hanging out..looking around. Out of nowhere up walks a short buff white guy, and he chooses to start off his conversation with, "You look lonely, so I'm here to solve your problems." What a hero. I was quite content and to my knowledge didn't have any problems, atleast until he walked up. He started talking to me but being quite honest I have absolutely no idea what he was saying, I was occupying my mind with other things. I feel really bad for women who can't tune things out like I can, because I have found that once you turn 21 this feature helps alot. This deceitful male creature must have decided to play the pity card with me because he then said, "Yeah I dont go out often because I just got out of a really long relationship..infact I didn't even want to come tonight because I'm not a party type guy. I'm very shy with girls and dont really know what to say since I've been out of the dating scene for so long. The ex and I is still a pretty sensitive subject for me." Thank you for your autobiography.

Now...maybe a couple of years ago my first instinct would be to feel bad for him, and think he's just a nice guy who got his heart broken. Im not saying that hes a liar, but my instincts have developed a rather keen Bull Shhh** dar...And that dar was in code red. I was feeling rather fiesty, most likely due to the fact that it was the end of the month.. so I decided to say, "For being a shy guy who just got out of a long relationship, you're sure not too scared to walk right up to a girl and turn on the charm." He laughed and came back with, "Well I'm a Marine. And you have a nice face." Awesome answer. I have a nice face...if he only knew that I'm an extremely sarcastic female that blogs about men like him for fun. I tried to relate to his off the wall answer by saying,"Oh a Marine..I get it you kinda got that lock the target theory going on."

He began running out of stupid things to say, so I started transitioning back into talking with my roommate. When I thought I was in the clear, he stepped infront of both of us and lifted up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal a very large leprechaun, "Im proud to be Irish!" Oh how nice..and awkward. I told him that my roommate was Irish, and how cool it is that they have something in common. Okay, so yes I kind of threw her under the bus alittle bit by trying to stray his attention a different direction..but I was getting antsy!

We did end up escaping from him though, and luckily Alex (roommate) wasn't too upset with my manuever earlier. My favorite part about this story would have to be that later on that night, I saw this very shy heart broken Marine approach another girl with the exact same tactic and she was just as priviledged as I had been to get a chance to see the ever so famous leprechaun on his shoulder. Guess I wasn't so special after all. I suppose I can't blame him for simply following the famous saying, "If at first you do not succeed, try and try again."

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

6 Ways To Guarantee A Date.

If you ask a scientist or even a doctor, they will tell you with full confidence that men and women are the same species. Tell me why then, we can't understand a word the opposite sex is saying? I honestly can relate to my dog..whom doesn't speak, better then I can understand a guy speaking my native language right infront of me. It all boils down to one sentence...women are too complicated and men are too simple. So simple that our brain has trouble even making sense of what the other saying. When he says, "Nothing." He literally means nothing. When a woman says nothing..there is almost always something. In a plea to help understand one another people have began writing articles with titles similar to these; "ways to improve your dating life"..."Things that will scare him away"..."Warning signs he's using you." Women desperately read these articles in hopes of finding the answer to the many why questions we have. In reality, are these articles really saying anything of value? I mean after all, aren't a great number of these answers about men articles written by women? I came across one help article in particular, that I would like to share with everyone. Being the critic that I am, I of course plan to add a great deal of commentary.

6 Ways To Guarantee A successful First Date

(First off, with my dating history this title made me laugh. I dont think any of these tips could have possibly improved some of my dates. It did however catch my attention. Kudos.)

First dates are rough. So rough, in fact, that many people feel they need a pre-date drink just to make it out the door. But what if there were things you could do to make the date more comfortable – as well as some easy ways to gauge his interest? Well, wish no longer: Today, I’m going to tell you about the three signals you can give off to help make things more relaxed and open between the two of you, and three signs from him that you should be on the lookout for, on your next first date.
First things first, ladies. Here’s how you can manipulate your body language to make your date more comfortable:
1. Don’t sit directly across from him. Perhaps there’s a reason that the word “date” conjures up those classic images of a guy and girl sitting side-by-side, sharing a chocolate malt. When you sit directly across from your date, it gives off a confrontational vibe. “It elicits a fight-or-flight response and creates stress." “If you can’t sit side-by-side, then push your chair to one side of the table as you sit down.” D suggests aiming to sit about 30% off-center; so if you’re sitting opposite him, you’d both be able to stretch your legs out without hitting each other.

( due to past experience, Im not a fan of the thought of sitting next to a guy during dinner. It is a good point however, that it can be very awkward sitting across from eachother just staring. My favorite part about this one is the fact that they give you a specific positioning point (30%) it's absolutely silly! This one is causing you to think too deeply about stuff that doesn't even really matter. You will be sitting at dinner and instead of trying to think of something to say you will be busy positioning your chair to their suggested 30% position. I mean come on.)

2. Keep your hands where he can see them. You’re not some wilting flower, you’re a secure modern woman. Show your confidence by relaxing your hands and placing them on the table. Says D: “Keeping your hands in your lap is too passive. You want to go into a date with confidence, which also helps the guy feel confident, so you’re really doing him a favor.”

( yes confidence is great. Confidence is sexy. Being quite honest though, I dont know how much a guy really cares where you're placing your hands unless he has some sort benefit from it.)

3. Smile, for real. There’s nothing worse than a disingenuous smile, and people pick up on it very easily. “In a real smile your eyes are involved,” says Greg Hartley, author of Date Decoder. In less flattering terms, when you smile sincerely your crow’s feet come out. But your willingness to go there – being open and relaxed enough to let loose – can go a long way toward making him feel comfortable (and it may help you feel less anxious, too). So even if you’re feeling a little nervous, don’t be afraid to flash a few big let-it-all-hang-out smiles.

(Yes...finally one that doesn't completely suck. A real smile can change someones day. I work in a restaurant and it isn't very often that someone gives you a genuine smile. So I like to think that this tip is a fairly good one, because no matter the situation a smile lightens the mood.)

Once you’ve done your best to put your date at ease, it’s time to read the signs he’s showing you. This will give you some instant feedback on how the date is going, which, in turn, can help you relax and enjoy yourself even more. Here are the signals to look for:

1. He’s touching you. Generally speaking, a guy shows his interest in you with constant touches. According to Driver, when things are going well, you’re likely to see as many as five instances of touching in the first 15 minutes of your date. So keep a mental scorecard, one point for each "touch": He hugged you when you met up, one point. He put his hand on your back as you walked through the door, two total points. He touched your arm when he asked you what you wanted to drink, three total points. He touched your leg as he was telling you about his day, four total points, etc. Obviously, this isn’t an exact science, so don’t freak out if you only get to three or four points. But if you’re on a date with a guy and he hasn’t touched you at all, that’s probably a bad sign (unless, of course, he’s super-shy).

(Alright...I have big issues with this one. HES A GUY!! I mean come on...if he is physically attracted to you in any way he will touch you. He could know for a fact that you are not his type but if he thinks your cute, he'll touch ya! This is not a sure sign that he is actually interested in you. It CAN be a sign...but we are talking about visually stimulated individuals here, which I can only conclude that the touching sign is not VALID! On the other hand, I will agree that it can be a bad sign if he hasn't touched you at all. I do feel that sometimes men dont touch you because they're not sure if you want to be touched. Im not a guy so I can't say for sure..but I hesitate to touch a guy sometimes for that very reason, so it goes both ways I assume.)

2. He seems a little nervous. It’s actually a good thing when a guy is a little anxious the first time he takes you out. “It shows he has something invested, as opposed to seeing the date as just another outing,” says Hartley. “A little nervous energy is essential.” After all, the last thing you want is some Rico Suave-type professional dater who’s only thinking, “I got this one in the bag!”

(Its a miracle...but I genuinely like this one. I love when a guy seems slightly nervous..because most likely I am too. There is nothing better then a guy who acts like a human, not some perfect stud there to seduce you. I have not always been a fan of the "real man"...but once you've been around too many perfect studs, the real thing is quite refreshing.)

3. He’s looking at your lips. As the night goes on, if you catch him looking at your lips that's also a good sign. “When a man looks at your lips, it’s sexual. It shows he wants to kiss you,” says Driver. If you’re not sure whether he’s feeling it or not, when you catch him glancing at your lips you’ll know that he is.

(This seems to be true. I cant rip this one apart too much.)

While the signals that someone throws off can be telling, don’t get so wrapped up in trying to read his body language that you lose track of the overall vibe of the date. The signs mentioned above are a good barometer, but they don’t always tell the whole story. “Women are naturally intuitive,” says Hartley. “Reading body language is about putting into words what you already recognize.” At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you have a good time and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Without any doubt, that’s the surest sign of a successful first date.

(This paragraph is honestly the best part out of the whole help article. In my opinion this is what matters. If you feel the connection...THAT is all that you should focus on. Not the positioning of your chair...or how many times he tries to paw you..but what your interaction with him is making you feel like. I can guarantee one could do everything that they wrote about, and if your chemistry isn't there, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that. Everyone wants to find love, but these articles are making you break down the stupid little things that in the big picture don't even really count. We need to stop trying to monitor or analyze our every hopes that it will impress someone. Be yourself! It is so much easier.)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

How Cool I Can Be.

My previous posts have been all about men and the goofy things they do. Unfortunately just like them, I have had moments where my cool was compromised. As a woman the last thing we ever really want is to scare a guy away..especially one that we're interested in. So for every girl that has had an embarrassing moment with that special guy, this blog is for you in hopes that it will make you feel a bit better.
My romeo in this story..we shall name him Henry. I had met Henry on St. Patricks day and we were keeping in touch through daily texting. One Friday night he told me that I should join him and his buddies at a bar. The minute I read the text I was so pumped and immediately started getting ready..however I couldn't let him know just how "pumped" I was so I simply replied with a, "My roommate and I may stop by for a bit..but I'll have to get back to you." This may sound silly but I'm a firm believer that in the beginning you should never show that youre 1: too available..and 2: too eager. While choosing my outfit I decided I must wear heels for the ultimate wow factor. Unfortunately I hate wearing heels, and I dont walk that well in them. This however, did not matter to me at the time.
We finally made it to the bar and were standing in an uncomfortably long line. Although, we didn't have to wait very long because Henrys friend came out, saved the day and got us in. (Before I dive any deeper into my bar adventure, I must start off by saying that I was the designated driver..which means that I was not drinking)Henry and I were having pretty good conversation and it was going fairly well. Suddenly something came into my radar..another girl besides myself was taking a very particular interest in Henry. Whenever Alex (roommate) and I would wander off for a bit this nasty spider would creep in. From afar I began doing the very catty thing that us women do, which would be comparing her every feature to my own. I didn't find her extremely attractive, but I was still slightly alarmed. On that note, I also came to the conclusion that I should not sit there and let the nasty spider ruin my night. So the plan of action was to walk by like I didn't even see them, and go to a part of the bar where I couldn't see them. My theory was sort of out of sight..out of mind. As I was casually walking by, there happened to be a puddle of something on the floor. Well due to my awesome choice of footwear, the moment I stepped in the puddle I began losing my balance. I didn't see myself however I imagine it looked similar to the scene in the movie Bambi when the baby deer stepped on the huge patch of ice. Legs going every which way, I fell..HARD. I literally landed almost at their feet. Looking up I saw Henry and the nasty spider staring at me with a very shocked face. that wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
I quickly got up and turned to walk away, and almost fell again! I was mortified...not only did he see me fall...but the girl I was silently competing with saw me as well. Falling is something that everyone does, but why did I have to do it in a bar..completely sober..infront of someone I would like to impress?? To top it off, I was wearing white spandex which were now partially wet. I went as far away from them as I could, hoping I didn't see him for the rest of the night. Being the good friend that she is, Alex immediately started trying to make me feel better. Suddenly a random guy comes up to me laughing and says, "That was so funny man...are you completely wasted or what?" Oh thats people on this side of the bar know too? My face was a lovely shade of crimson red, "No actually I haven't been drinking...there was something on the floor." He continued laughing and nodded, "Sure no need to lie..." He winked at me and wandered off. I now realized..that even though it was completely obvious to me that I fell because the floor was wet, to outside viewers I just looked like one of those sloppy drunk a bar.
This incident made me quite grumpy, and I desperately wanted to leave and go home. I had been so excited for tonight, and it was turning out to be such a disappointment...the guy Im interested in is talking to some chick probably having a good laugh about my lovely friend is standing awkwardly next to me not really saying much, probably because she ran out of things to say to make me feel better..and my lower half was wet. I suddenly saw Henry making his way towards me, not knowing what to do I decided to turn back to him in hopes that he may not see me. But of course...he did. He put his hand on my lower back and said, "Are you okay?" I tried to pretend me falling hadn't completely ruined my mood and I forced out a fake laugh, "Yeah I feel so silly..there was something on the floor." He then started laughing, "'re definitely cut off." Oh lordy.
He continued talking to me, and my mood slowly started to improve. Maybe he didn't care that his buddies and everyone in the bar saw me fall...just maybe he was still interested. This thought made me happy. Alex handed me her drink to hold while she ran to the restroom. At this moment Im not sure what came over my hand..because the cup didn't slip out of my grasp..and I didn't let go of was like I twitched and threw her drink all over his shirt and shoes. Her LIME GREEN drink. We both sat there for a minute in silence. I could not decide what to say, I was too busy beating myself up in my head.
Finally I sighed, "You know..I have done alot of things to scare you if you would like to go now..I understand." This night was absolutely terrible. I was feeling so bad at this point I actually wanted him to just walk off because I was horrified at what else I may do if he stayed around. To my great surprise he grabbed my hand and smiled at me, "Its okay...maybe next time we see eachother you shouldn't wear those shoes and just keep all beverages away from me." My brain was struggling to process the current situation. Was he actually holding my hand? I sat there looking at him, with his now wet attire and he was smiling. Like genuinely.. smiling. After how silly I was he still wanted to see me again, and although my night hadn't gone at all like I had planned..I couldn't be happier with this ending.

For my concluding statement, I would like to inform everyone that from this night I acquired a very large bruise on my knee, and one on the side on my butt. How I managed to bruise two completely opposites sides of my body in one fall, I may never know. Even though my ending wasn't sad, I still firmly believe that this was one of those nights I just should have stayed home.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Have you ever been on a date that completely changed your opinion on dating? Or have you ever been on a date so terrible, that it makes you feel as if you may be single forever? The story Im about to tell is one that did just that for me. His name was Steve (Usually I dont use real names but in his case I shall not change it for the simple hope that he may stumble across my blog..possibly do some self reflecting..and get a hint) Anyway, I met him at a local store that his family owns..let me first start off by telling you what he was wearing the first time I met him, because this will be important later in the story. Basketball shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing too crazy...average guy. I saw him several times before he actually asked me on a date. I remember going home so excited when he finally did. He seemed very casual and book smart which I thought had to be a plus, and a very good change for me. He suggested we go eat sushi downtown, which I was quite excited about because I happen to absolutely love sushi. Points for him!
The night of our date I did my usual girlie primping. When he arrived, I went out to his car. I opened the door and he swung a bouquet of carnations like it was a sword and almost hit me in the face. Although startled I thought it was a very nice gesture and proceeded to sit down. I could smell alcohol in the car and I casually said, "Did you pre funk a bit before you came to get me?" He laughed and told me he had a few glasses of champagne with his buddy alittle bit ago. Why two men would drink champagne together is beyond me..however I wasnt concerned with just a few glasses. (Little did I know that later he would confess to me that they had actually drank about two bottles of champagne).
We started to head downtown and he made his first confession...he had no idea where there was a sushi place. While driving he was trying to look up sushi restaurants, and was swirving just slightly. (Now from my previous blog you will reconize I really dont enjoy when men drive erratically with me in the car, its definitely a mood killer) In the search for a sushi restaurant we ran a total of three red lights, swirved into a different lane twice, and turned the wrong way on a one way. At this point, I was completely sweating. When I say sweating I mean I was about to have a nervous breakdown, and then he made confession number two..which was how much he really drank with his friend. Just as he was making this confession and I was getting ready to jump out the car window in hopes of salvaging my life, we passed RA sushi. It was a miracle.
He pulled over, and even though I wanted to ring his neck for his terrible driving habits I decided that he needed some time to sober up before he drove me home. When he got out of the car, I for the very first time got a chance to see the outfit he had picked for our date. He was wearing extremely tight black skinny jeans that were way too short, blue socks, black vans, a green and pink striped button up shirt, and a long black trench coat. I could not stop staring because he just looked so silly. I did come to the conclusion that Im pretty sure he dressed AFTER he had already drank the two bottles of champagne. What happened to the cool casual guy I saw at the store???? While walking next to Bobo the clown the conversation starter he chose happened to be..."Man it feels good to be driving again." This raised some questions so I asked, "Do you not drive much?" He laughed, "Well I just got my license back, I got a DUI about a year ago." Im not sure exactly what went through my mind at that moment..but it probably looked something like this (.....??..!!!?!?!...) Apparently, $10,000 and those classes they require you to take didn't teach him much.
Walking into RA the hostess greeted us with a smile and said, "For two?" I nodded thinking, yes..unfortunately he is..with me. While looking at the menu I asked him what he was thinking about ordering, and he then informed me that fish repulses him. Lets just reflect back, remember when I mentioned HE..not I...HE suggested we go to sushi. I never said anything about liking sushi, so Im not exactly sure why he threw that idea out if fish repulses him. The waitress arrived and asked if we wanted to start off with anything to drink, I laughed and replied, " know I think we're just gonna kinda sober up a bit for a while." She then took my order and walked off. Steve didn't order anything because along with the champagne, him and his buddy had some carne asada fries before. But thats fine, I love to eat and have people just sit and watch me.
We were sitting at the sushi bar so I got to watch the sushi chef make my rolls, and what do you know, he happened to be attractive. Something lovely to distract my eyes sounded good to me. In my attempt to keep converstaion going I said, "So..tell me about you." I said the words, the flood gates opened and the mindless chatter began. "Well me you know, got a DUI, Im 25..Im like super good with numbers..I like to skateboard..and I love computers..OH WOW I mean I love computers I have like two at home..I live with my parents..and I just never ever want to leave.." (Never want to leave..hmm..well Steve my dear if you dont stop driving probably will never be able to afford to leave) He continued, "Yeah I just love it at my moms house, she makes me food, and I stay up like all night playing poker online..yeah thats actually how I make my living." (Cool. Remind me to call my mom later, she always warned me against obsessive gamblers.) AND he continued, "But yeah..I like all online stuff..that reminds me do you have a facebook? I can show you my facebook if you want..I have some cool skating videos on here and...." Now his chatter continued, Its just I cant quite recall the rest of what he said, most likely because my ADD kicked in and saved the day. I instead was focused on the cute sushi man who kept smiling at me. Steve did manage to steal my attention back when he must have made a funny and started laughing,it sounded something like this...HAHAHAHA WEEEEEEEEEE! My ADD is definitely not strong enough to tune something that strange out..Did he really just say WEE? The only words that I could possibly get out of my mouth were, "Wee?" He chuckled, clearly thinking nothing of the fact that he just pretty much screamed WEE in a public area. "Yeah wee, its kinda like the thing I say when I think something is really funny." Oh....Dear...God. I flagged the waitress down, "You know I..actually..I think Im gonna have that martini..and most likely another one after that." There was no way I was going to get through this date completely sober. I was positive that if I didnt have a drink RIGHT NOW I may beat him up.
Luckily I didn't have to think of anything nice to say because he was still mindlessly speaking. The sushi chef started winking at me here and there, which in any other situation I would consider a good thing, but between Bobo's intelligent conversation and winking chef man I was beginning to feel extreme discomfort. Steve happened to notice the chefs friendly behavior and to my surprise he turned and said to me, "Oh see hes such a nice restaurant person, I just love when customer service goes that extra step to be friendly." And he pulls out a twenty dollar bill and hands it to the chef. Did my date just tip someone for silently hitting on me?...I never imagined that ever happening.
One plus from our date was that he paid for my meal. I did have to help add up the tip and the total though..which I found very ironic condsidering he told me he was practically a numbers genius.
On the way back to my house he suddenly pulled over and told me we were going to stop in this little bar real quick. Now if this bar hadn't been a few blocks from my house I would have objected, but the way I saw it I could easily run home. Except I didn't have much to worry about because literally five minutes after we walked in we had to leave because Bobo was experiencing anxiety. He told me there were just too many people in the bar and he had to get out.
Sitting infront of my place I was so relieved to be home SAFE. He wanted to come in and hang out. When he made this statement I suddenly felt as if him and I had been on two completely different dates. Did he honestly think I would invite him
in after that experience?
After this night, I can honestly say that going on dates has kind of lost its sparkle for me. I feel as if I may need to give the guy a thorough background check before accepting a date request. You will be happy to know that Bobo sent me a lovely text the next day saying "I kept waiting for some action but you were being lame." You will be even happier to know that once I read that disrespectful text I sent him the worse possible reply my mind could muster..unfortunately it is not appropriate for public viewing. Just know that I told him where to go.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

What is a good woman???

I stumbled across something on Facebook that I found very interesting. It struck my attention so much that I wanted to include it in one of my blogs. A guy posted this on his status, and several people commented on it. Myself included.

Facebook man: Is wondering what is a good woman really?? I hear so many say they are "good women", just kuz you say it dont mean you are one. Actions speak louder then words...Can I please hear from the ladies, I already know what da men got to

Girl #1: Honest, loyal, understanding, supportive, fun, loving, committed & will stick by your side no matter what. A good man brings out the good woman in all of us.

Girl #2: A gud woman dont have to say shes 1...You can tell by the fruit she bears!!! Prime example your mother and your sisters!!!

Girl #3: A good woman is loyal, honest, loving, supportive, someone who's not about playing games. She knows what she wants and what she needs to do to get there, she knows what she will and wont put up with, shes independant but knows how to be submissive/compromise, shes that ryde or die chick, and she always keeps in 100!

Facebook Man: Challenging exactly sis! Maybe dats my problem, you guys made my expectations soooooooo high!! Its ur guys fault! lol

Random Male: I feel ya brodie where are the "REAL" women at and not fake closet hoes?

Girl #4: A good woman doesnt have to announce it, she is it.

Girl #2: I appologize for us then bruh lol but you know how we do..cook clean work and pray!

Random Male: Its hard findin the right one, as we get older the pool get shallower! Now you know why ya boy is livin single.

Facebook Man: Your right!!!

My Response: I think men have a hard time finding a good woman because they try to fit her into a criteria of characteristics...and if one is missing then she must not really be a good woman. All the comments on your status show what I mean, almost every person was listing things. A good woman makes mistakes...a good woman does lie..but because shes HUMAN not because shes bad. You dont need to have all these guidelines for what a good woman is..if you do you may never find her. If a woman really loves you, she will be good to you, and that my friend is all that matters. :0)

I found it so interesting that a guy would post this...I mean I think I can speak for many women when I say that guys dont really seem to go for the "good women". I suppose eventually in the end yes, but they wonder why they cant find her yet they talk to girls like theyre pieces of meat. If you go out hunting for a one night stand..then youre going to find a one night stand type of girl.
To my dismay, I noticed when writing my response that I compare men to a list of characteristics as well. Im quite disappointed in myself.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Blind Date

I would like to start off my blog with my first blind date experience. A friend of mine insisted I go out with her boyfriend's friend because she had met him the previous weekend and said we would be completely perfect for eachother. Looking back on the experience, I can't help but wonder what it was that I could have possibly done to upset her that would make her want to set me up with Adam.

So the plans were made and he agreed to pick me up. Before the date I took several hours getting ready quite excited to meet the guy my "good friend" said was my match. Let me first just say, that I'm not really a fan of blonde men..even though I am blonde I just dont find them very attractive. In fact, I sort of stick with the motto..the darker the better. So who else would pull up..but a tall guy with spiky blonde hair. I was slightly discouraged but I refused to discriminate because he wasn't my type lookwise in any way..I mean you never know he could have a sparkling personality.

After the very awkward greeting we shared (which in my early adult life have found out that this awkward greeting happens pretty much everytime you go on a first date), we got into the car to head to Cucina Cucina's to eat before our movie. He was very chatty during the ride which I usually would consider a good thing, however he was following so close to the car in front of him that I could pretty much see the texture on the license plate. My eyes aren't very good so this clearly means he was scary close. He had both hands on the steering wheel and was leaning forward almost resting his chin on the wheel...picturing this in your head right now you probably are thinking that it sounds like a very strange position to be in while driving...which trust me it looks as bad in person as it sounds on paper. I was trying to think of a way to explain to him that he was making me nervous without having another awkward moment in less then an hour. I ended up telling him casually that his driving was sort of wild..and he laughed. Mission Failed.

Surprisingly, I made it to the restaurant. When sitting down at the booth I sat on the end of one side thinking he would sit across from me...but no he apparently really wanted to sit RIGHT beside me. When the food arrived I was unable to properly use my right hand to eat my pasta because he was sitting so close that he was pressed literally up against my arm and me up against the wall. I kept glancing over at all the room on the other side of him (Special Note: I was quite a bit younger in this story, which is why I struggled to find words to not offend him in every situation we that Im older I don't really mind embarrassing them..its a great feature that comes with age.) Once I regained full use of my hand thanks to clever wording on my part, my mood began to improve. Shortly after he knocked over the bowl of oil and vinegar the server had given us for dipping our bread..and luckily it completely missed him and landed on my pants. Again...he laughed.

After our meal we walked over to the theater where I was sporting a very large stain on my pants and a wonderful vinegar aroma. He picked the movie Stuck On You. When we first sat down I was thanking the Lord for the little armchair dividers in between the seats. Apparently he was not as fond of them as I was..because he was leaning over the divider to try and get closer to me. Now I think its very important to say that I have space issues and I'm not a huge fan of people being extremely his behavior was causing me to have slight anxiety. The movie he picked was very corny.. and to top it off he kept whispering random flirty comments in my ear. Which would have not been so bad..if he didnt suffer from a mild case of mummy breath. Finally he decided to be bold and ask me the big question..He had a lisp so it came out something like this.. "Soo..Im turning eighteen nexssssssst week, do I get a birthhhday kissssss?" My mind went into complete panic...his breath was terrible...he was in my space..and now he wants a kiss!? Hmmm....ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
Now I have always wondered..what in the world makes a guy ask this question on the first date? He should never...I repeat NEVER ask to kiss you on the first date. If it happens..hey it happens..but to ask so early its just not a good idea.

Anyway..I was sitting there not knowing what to say so I decided to roll with something along these lines, "Haha..well I don't kiss people I don't know." (Special Note To All The Women: I have used this statement several times...and not once has it actually worked. Immediately after this is said men start trying to prove that you know them. Even if this is your first date a man will whip out everything in his power to prove that he knows you well enough for a kiss.) What they dont realize is that if we actually wanted to kiss you, we would not have said it in the first place.

In his final plea to seduce a kiss out of me, he put his mouth close to my ear and took a very deep breath...and he huffed..and he puffed...and he blew like he was trying to blow out all eighteen of his candles. But I have to give him points for trying because the blowing in the ear tactic can theory. However, I feel as if when he was being informed of this strategy they left out a very important tip, that when blowing you probably shouldnt blow as hard as you can. If you made her hair move, then you need to tone it down just a bit.

You will be happy to know that I made it through the movie and all the way home without a kiss from Tutankhamun the mummy. Clearly, I knew that we would never go on a date again. Unfortunately he did not come to the same conclusion, and was persistant for quite some time after our date. He did over time eventually give up like they always do. This was my first blind date experience, and will most likely be my last. I have decided that even though I love my friends with all my heart, I should not leave it up to them to pick a man for me.