Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Giver And The Taker

When it comes to dating there seems to almost always be two roles..the giver and the taker. Ideally it would be equally split between two people, but in reality it hardly ever works out that way. I have experienced being on both sides of these roles, however I would like to talk about being the giver. When I like someone I usually try to do whatever I can to help or make that person happy. There have been times in my past where I have tried consistently to show my affection to the guy that I like, but with that didn't recieve a whole lot back. I know this happens to many people, and I have very conflicting feelings about the taker in these situations. Reason being, when I am the taker in the relationship its usually because I dont really care that much...or atleast I dont think I do. The process most of the time evolves something like this;
1. boy meets girl/girl meets girl/boy meets boy (whatever your preference is)
2. start texting (this stage is critical its where the giver/taker roles are established)
3. giver gives...and hopes that the taker will realize what a great person they have in their life and start giving back.
4. giver starts to feel discouraged.
5. now when the taker begins to sense the giver is starting to feel like things are never going to change they will most of the time give just enough to revitalize the givers hope so they wont completely go away and lose faith. There are three reasons I have concluded they do this: they either really do like the giver and are just inherently on the selfish side/dont know they like them..there is someone else they're talking to which makes it difficult to be the giver to more then one person..or because they are someone that wants attention and basically just uses that person for their own benefit whether it be sex, money, etc.
6. Giver regains atleast partial hope and continues on their routine of giving.
7. Finally the giver becomes fed up and usually will present the taker with an ultimateum..which in most cases the taker cannot follow through with it.
8. The end.

Now the process can take several years or just a few depends on the givers tolerance. I have found that in past cases when I was the giver after I had accepted my failed mission and let him go that usually tends to be the time when taker has decided he is ready to give back. Absence can make you realize that you cared more then you thought. The sad part is, you will be sitting there listening to everything he is saying..things that if he said before would have tickled you pink now just make you confused. When you feel this way its most likely because hes too late, you may still care very much about him but you dont have anything left to give. Everything you thought you wanted from dont want anymore. My conclusion to this is that it must be lifes way to even the score and teach the taker a lesson.

~Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone whos going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, not a place you go to take.~ Anthony Robbins


  1. very wise observations, frances!!! I truly hope you someday find that relationship that is as close to give/take equal as possible!!

  2. In my opinion the ideal relation is when both sides are in the two roles - you give and receive and the other one is doing the same, because then we have balance and eventually a strong relation!

  3. I wish you to find your perfect match and give as much as you get and even better - I wish you to be so happy that it never occurs to you to measure...