Monday, May 31, 2010

The Pick up Line Plague

I would like to begin my blog with a very simple statement...I hate...and I repeat..I HATE pick up lines. I mean who falls for those? Does anyone? I would love to know if there are any women in the world that actually dig pick up lines. It baffles my mind to think that there may be some who do, however if there weren't then why would men use them so often? I'm not quite sure if it was always this way, but everything is a mind game. I like to think that dating wasn't always such a game of trickery back in the old days, and because I dont have any information to prove my wish wrong I will roll with the decision that men have just recently started saying stupid things to women in the last 20 or 30 years.

Awhile ago I was out with my roommate, we were at a bar just kinda hanging out..looking around. Out of nowhere up walks a short buff white guy, and he chooses to start off his conversation with, "You look lonely, so I'm here to solve your problems." What a hero. I was quite content and to my knowledge didn't have any problems, atleast until he walked up. He started talking to me but being quite honest I have absolutely no idea what he was saying, I was occupying my mind with other things. I feel really bad for women who can't tune things out like I can, because I have found that once you turn 21 this feature helps alot. This deceitful male creature must have decided to play the pity card with me because he then said, "Yeah I dont go out often because I just got out of a really long relationship..infact I didn't even want to come tonight because I'm not a party type guy. I'm very shy with girls and dont really know what to say since I've been out of the dating scene for so long. The ex and I is still a pretty sensitive subject for me." Thank you for your autobiography.

Now...maybe a couple of years ago my first instinct would be to feel bad for him, and think he's just a nice guy who got his heart broken. Im not saying that hes a liar, but my instincts have developed a rather keen Bull Shhh** dar...And that dar was in code red. I was feeling rather fiesty, most likely due to the fact that it was the end of the month.. so I decided to say, "For being a shy guy who just got out of a long relationship, you're sure not too scared to walk right up to a girl and turn on the charm." He laughed and came back with, "Well I'm a Marine. And you have a nice face." Awesome answer. I have a nice face...if he only knew that I'm an extremely sarcastic female that blogs about men like him for fun. I tried to relate to his off the wall answer by saying,"Oh a Marine..I get it you kinda got that lock the target theory going on."

He began running out of stupid things to say, so I started transitioning back into talking with my roommate. When I thought I was in the clear, he stepped infront of both of us and lifted up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal a very large leprechaun, "Im proud to be Irish!" Oh how nice..and awkward. I told him that my roommate was Irish, and how cool it is that they have something in common. Okay, so yes I kind of threw her under the bus alittle bit by trying to stray his attention a different direction..but I was getting antsy!

We did end up escaping from him though, and luckily Alex (roommate) wasn't too upset with my manuever earlier. My favorite part about this story would have to be that later on that night, I saw this very shy heart broken Marine approach another girl with the exact same tactic and she was just as priviledged as I had been to get a chance to see the ever so famous leprechaun on his shoulder. Guess I wasn't so special after all. I suppose I can't blame him for simply following the famous saying, "If at first you do not succeed, try and try again."

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

6 Ways To Guarantee A Date.

If you ask a scientist or even a doctor, they will tell you with full confidence that men and women are the same species. Tell me why then, we can't understand a word the opposite sex is saying? I honestly can relate to my dog..whom doesn't speak, better then I can understand a guy speaking my native language right infront of me. It all boils down to one sentence...women are too complicated and men are too simple. So simple that our brain has trouble even making sense of what the other saying. When he says, "Nothing." He literally means nothing. When a woman says nothing..there is almost always something. In a plea to help understand one another people have began writing articles with titles similar to these; "ways to improve your dating life"..."Things that will scare him away"..."Warning signs he's using you." Women desperately read these articles in hopes of finding the answer to the many why questions we have. In reality, are these articles really saying anything of value? I mean after all, aren't a great number of these answers about men articles written by women? I came across one help article in particular, that I would like to share with everyone. Being the critic that I am, I of course plan to add a great deal of commentary.

6 Ways To Guarantee A successful First Date

(First off, with my dating history this title made me laugh. I dont think any of these tips could have possibly improved some of my dates. It did however catch my attention. Kudos.)

First dates are rough. So rough, in fact, that many people feel they need a pre-date drink just to make it out the door. But what if there were things you could do to make the date more comfortable – as well as some easy ways to gauge his interest? Well, wish no longer: Today, I’m going to tell you about the three signals you can give off to help make things more relaxed and open between the two of you, and three signs from him that you should be on the lookout for, on your next first date.
First things first, ladies. Here’s how you can manipulate your body language to make your date more comfortable:
1. Don’t sit directly across from him. Perhaps there’s a reason that the word “date” conjures up those classic images of a guy and girl sitting side-by-side, sharing a chocolate malt. When you sit directly across from your date, it gives off a confrontational vibe. “It elicits a fight-or-flight response and creates stress." “If you can’t sit side-by-side, then push your chair to one side of the table as you sit down.” D suggests aiming to sit about 30% off-center; so if you’re sitting opposite him, you’d both be able to stretch your legs out without hitting each other.

( due to past experience, Im not a fan of the thought of sitting next to a guy during dinner. It is a good point however, that it can be very awkward sitting across from eachother just staring. My favorite part about this one is the fact that they give you a specific positioning point (30%) it's absolutely silly! This one is causing you to think too deeply about stuff that doesn't even really matter. You will be sitting at dinner and instead of trying to think of something to say you will be busy positioning your chair to their suggested 30% position. I mean come on.)

2. Keep your hands where he can see them. You’re not some wilting flower, you’re a secure modern woman. Show your confidence by relaxing your hands and placing them on the table. Says D: “Keeping your hands in your lap is too passive. You want to go into a date with confidence, which also helps the guy feel confident, so you’re really doing him a favor.”

( yes confidence is great. Confidence is sexy. Being quite honest though, I dont know how much a guy really cares where you're placing your hands unless he has some sort benefit from it.)

3. Smile, for real. There’s nothing worse than a disingenuous smile, and people pick up on it very easily. “In a real smile your eyes are involved,” says Greg Hartley, author of Date Decoder. In less flattering terms, when you smile sincerely your crow’s feet come out. But your willingness to go there – being open and relaxed enough to let loose – can go a long way toward making him feel comfortable (and it may help you feel less anxious, too). So even if you’re feeling a little nervous, don’t be afraid to flash a few big let-it-all-hang-out smiles.

(Yes...finally one that doesn't completely suck. A real smile can change someones day. I work in a restaurant and it isn't very often that someone gives you a genuine smile. So I like to think that this tip is a fairly good one, because no matter the situation a smile lightens the mood.)

Once you’ve done your best to put your date at ease, it’s time to read the signs he’s showing you. This will give you some instant feedback on how the date is going, which, in turn, can help you relax and enjoy yourself even more. Here are the signals to look for:

1. He’s touching you. Generally speaking, a guy shows his interest in you with constant touches. According to Driver, when things are going well, you’re likely to see as many as five instances of touching in the first 15 minutes of your date. So keep a mental scorecard, one point for each "touch": He hugged you when you met up, one point. He put his hand on your back as you walked through the door, two total points. He touched your arm when he asked you what you wanted to drink, three total points. He touched your leg as he was telling you about his day, four total points, etc. Obviously, this isn’t an exact science, so don’t freak out if you only get to three or four points. But if you’re on a date with a guy and he hasn’t touched you at all, that’s probably a bad sign (unless, of course, he’s super-shy).

(Alright...I have big issues with this one. HES A GUY!! I mean come on...if he is physically attracted to you in any way he will touch you. He could know for a fact that you are not his type but if he thinks your cute, he'll touch ya! This is not a sure sign that he is actually interested in you. It CAN be a sign...but we are talking about visually stimulated individuals here, which I can only conclude that the touching sign is not VALID! On the other hand, I will agree that it can be a bad sign if he hasn't touched you at all. I do feel that sometimes men dont touch you because they're not sure if you want to be touched. Im not a guy so I can't say for sure..but I hesitate to touch a guy sometimes for that very reason, so it goes both ways I assume.)

2. He seems a little nervous. It’s actually a good thing when a guy is a little anxious the first time he takes you out. “It shows he has something invested, as opposed to seeing the date as just another outing,” says Hartley. “A little nervous energy is essential.” After all, the last thing you want is some Rico Suave-type professional dater who’s only thinking, “I got this one in the bag!”

(Its a miracle...but I genuinely like this one. I love when a guy seems slightly nervous..because most likely I am too. There is nothing better then a guy who acts like a human, not some perfect stud there to seduce you. I have not always been a fan of the "real man"...but once you've been around too many perfect studs, the real thing is quite refreshing.)

3. He’s looking at your lips. As the night goes on, if you catch him looking at your lips that's also a good sign. “When a man looks at your lips, it’s sexual. It shows he wants to kiss you,” says Driver. If you’re not sure whether he’s feeling it or not, when you catch him glancing at your lips you’ll know that he is.

(This seems to be true. I cant rip this one apart too much.)

While the signals that someone throws off can be telling, don’t get so wrapped up in trying to read his body language that you lose track of the overall vibe of the date. The signs mentioned above are a good barometer, but they don’t always tell the whole story. “Women are naturally intuitive,” says Hartley. “Reading body language is about putting into words what you already recognize.” At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you have a good time and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Without any doubt, that’s the surest sign of a successful first date.

(This paragraph is honestly the best part out of the whole help article. In my opinion this is what matters. If you feel the connection...THAT is all that you should focus on. Not the positioning of your chair...or how many times he tries to paw you..but what your interaction with him is making you feel like. I can guarantee one could do everything that they wrote about, and if your chemistry isn't there, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that. Everyone wants to find love, but these articles are making you break down the stupid little things that in the big picture don't even really count. We need to stop trying to monitor or analyze our every hopes that it will impress someone. Be yourself! It is so much easier.)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

How Cool I Can Be.

My previous posts have been all about men and the goofy things they do. Unfortunately just like them, I have had moments where my cool was compromised. As a woman the last thing we ever really want is to scare a guy away..especially one that we're interested in. So for every girl that has had an embarrassing moment with that special guy, this blog is for you in hopes that it will make you feel a bit better.
My romeo in this story..we shall name him Henry. I had met Henry on St. Patricks day and we were keeping in touch through daily texting. One Friday night he told me that I should join him and his buddies at a bar. The minute I read the text I was so pumped and immediately started getting ready..however I couldn't let him know just how "pumped" I was so I simply replied with a, "My roommate and I may stop by for a bit..but I'll have to get back to you." This may sound silly but I'm a firm believer that in the beginning you should never show that youre 1: too available..and 2: too eager. While choosing my outfit I decided I must wear heels for the ultimate wow factor. Unfortunately I hate wearing heels, and I dont walk that well in them. This however, did not matter to me at the time.
We finally made it to the bar and were standing in an uncomfortably long line. Although, we didn't have to wait very long because Henrys friend came out, saved the day and got us in. (Before I dive any deeper into my bar adventure, I must start off by saying that I was the designated driver..which means that I was not drinking)Henry and I were having pretty good conversation and it was going fairly well. Suddenly something came into my radar..another girl besides myself was taking a very particular interest in Henry. Whenever Alex (roommate) and I would wander off for a bit this nasty spider would creep in. From afar I began doing the very catty thing that us women do, which would be comparing her every feature to my own. I didn't find her extremely attractive, but I was still slightly alarmed. On that note, I also came to the conclusion that I should not sit there and let the nasty spider ruin my night. So the plan of action was to walk by like I didn't even see them, and go to a part of the bar where I couldn't see them. My theory was sort of out of sight..out of mind. As I was casually walking by, there happened to be a puddle of something on the floor. Well due to my awesome choice of footwear, the moment I stepped in the puddle I began losing my balance. I didn't see myself however I imagine it looked similar to the scene in the movie Bambi when the baby deer stepped on the huge patch of ice. Legs going every which way, I fell..HARD. I literally landed almost at their feet. Looking up I saw Henry and the nasty spider staring at me with a very shocked face. that wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
I quickly got up and turned to walk away, and almost fell again! I was mortified...not only did he see me fall...but the girl I was silently competing with saw me as well. Falling is something that everyone does, but why did I have to do it in a bar..completely sober..infront of someone I would like to impress?? To top it off, I was wearing white spandex which were now partially wet. I went as far away from them as I could, hoping I didn't see him for the rest of the night. Being the good friend that she is, Alex immediately started trying to make me feel better. Suddenly a random guy comes up to me laughing and says, "That was so funny man...are you completely wasted or what?" Oh thats people on this side of the bar know too? My face was a lovely shade of crimson red, "No actually I haven't been drinking...there was something on the floor." He continued laughing and nodded, "Sure no need to lie..." He winked at me and wandered off. I now realized..that even though it was completely obvious to me that I fell because the floor was wet, to outside viewers I just looked like one of those sloppy drunk a bar.
This incident made me quite grumpy, and I desperately wanted to leave and go home. I had been so excited for tonight, and it was turning out to be such a disappointment...the guy Im interested in is talking to some chick probably having a good laugh about my lovely friend is standing awkwardly next to me not really saying much, probably because she ran out of things to say to make me feel better..and my lower half was wet. I suddenly saw Henry making his way towards me, not knowing what to do I decided to turn back to him in hopes that he may not see me. But of course...he did. He put his hand on my lower back and said, "Are you okay?" I tried to pretend me falling hadn't completely ruined my mood and I forced out a fake laugh, "Yeah I feel so silly..there was something on the floor." He then started laughing, "'re definitely cut off." Oh lordy.
He continued talking to me, and my mood slowly started to improve. Maybe he didn't care that his buddies and everyone in the bar saw me fall...just maybe he was still interested. This thought made me happy. Alex handed me her drink to hold while she ran to the restroom. At this moment Im not sure what came over my hand..because the cup didn't slip out of my grasp..and I didn't let go of was like I twitched and threw her drink all over his shirt and shoes. Her LIME GREEN drink. We both sat there for a minute in silence. I could not decide what to say, I was too busy beating myself up in my head.
Finally I sighed, "You know..I have done alot of things to scare you if you would like to go now..I understand." This night was absolutely terrible. I was feeling so bad at this point I actually wanted him to just walk off because I was horrified at what else I may do if he stayed around. To my great surprise he grabbed my hand and smiled at me, "Its okay...maybe next time we see eachother you shouldn't wear those shoes and just keep all beverages away from me." My brain was struggling to process the current situation. Was he actually holding my hand? I sat there looking at him, with his now wet attire and he was smiling. Like genuinely.. smiling. After how silly I was he still wanted to see me again, and although my night hadn't gone at all like I had planned..I couldn't be happier with this ending.

For my concluding statement, I would like to inform everyone that from this night I acquired a very large bruise on my knee, and one on the side on my butt. How I managed to bruise two completely opposites sides of my body in one fall, I may never know. Even though my ending wasn't sad, I still firmly believe that this was one of those nights I just should have stayed home.