Steve

Have you ever been on a date that completely changed your opinion on dating? Or have you ever been on a date so terrible, that it makes you feel as if you may be single forever? The story Im about to tell is one that did just that for me. His name was Steve (Usually I dont use real names but in his case I shall not change it for the simple hope that he may stumble across my blog..possibly do some self reflecting..and get a hint) Anyway, I met him at a local store that his family owns..let me first start off by telling you what he was wearing the first time I met him, because this will be important later in the story. Basketball shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing too crazy...average guy. I saw him several times before he actually asked me on a date. I remember going home so excited when he finally did. He seemed very casual and book smart which I thought had to be a plus, and a very good change for me. He suggested we go eat sushi downtown, which I was quite excited about because I happen to absolutely love sushi. Points for him!
The night of our date I did my usual girlie primping. When he arrived, I went out to his car. I opened the door and he swung a bouquet of carnations like it was a sword and almost hit me in the face. Although startled I thought it was a very nice gesture and proceeded to sit down. I could smell alcohol in the car and I casually said, "Did you pre funk a bit before you came to get me?" He laughed and told me he had a few glasses of champagne with his buddy alittle bit ago. Why two men would drink champagne together is beyond me..however I wasnt concerned with just a few glasses. (Little did I know that later he would confess to me that they had actually drank about two bottles of champagne).
We started to head downtown and he made his first confession...he had no idea where there was a sushi place. While driving he was trying to look up sushi restaurants, and was swirving just slightly. (Now from my previous blog you will reconize I really dont enjoy when men drive erratically with me in the car, its definitely a mood killer) In the search for a sushi restaurant we ran a total of three red lights, swirved into a different lane twice, and turned the wrong way on a one way. At this point, I was completely sweating. When I say sweating I mean I was about to have a nervous breakdown, and then he made confession number two..which was how much he really drank with his friend. Just as he was making this confession and I was getting ready to jump out the car window in hopes of salvaging my life, we passed RA sushi. It was a miracle.
He pulled over, and even though I wanted to ring his neck for his terrible driving habits I decided that he needed some time to sober up before he drove me home. When he got out of the car, I for the very first time got a chance to see the outfit he had picked for our date. He was wearing extremely tight black skinny jeans that were way too short, blue socks, black vans, a green and pink striped button up shirt, and a long black trench coat. I could not stop staring because he just looked so silly. I did come to the conclusion that Im pretty sure he dressed AFTER he had already drank the two bottles of champagne. What happened to the cool casual guy I saw at the store???? While walking next to Bobo the clown the conversation starter he chose happened to be..."Man it feels good to be driving again." This raised some questions so I asked, "Do you not drive much?" He laughed, "Well I just got my license back, I got a DUI about a year ago." Im not sure exactly what went through my mind at that moment..but it probably looked something like this (.....??..!!!?!?!...) Apparently, $10,000 and those classes they require you to take didn't teach him much.
Walking into RA the hostess greeted us with a smile and said, "For two?" I nodded thinking, yes..unfortunately he is..with me. While looking at the menu I asked him what he was thinking about ordering, and he then informed me that fish repulses him. Lets just reflect back, remember when I mentioned HE..not I...HE suggested we go to sushi. I never said anything about liking sushi, so Im not exactly sure why he threw that idea out if fish repulses him. The waitress arrived and asked if we wanted to start off with anything to drink, I laughed and replied, "No..you know I think we're just gonna kinda sober up a bit for a while." She then took my order and walked off. Steve didn't order anything because along with the champagne, him and his buddy had some carne asada fries before. But thats fine, I love to eat and have people just sit and watch me.
We were sitting at the sushi bar so I got to watch the sushi chef make my rolls, and what do you know, he happened to be attractive. Something lovely to distract my eyes sounded good to me. In my attempt to keep converstaion going I said, "So..tell me about you." I said the words, the flood gates opened and the mindless chatter began. "Well me you know, got a DUI, Im 25..Im like super good with numbers..I like to skateboard..and I love computers..OH WOW I mean I love computers I have like two at home..I live with my parents..and I just never ever want to leave.." (Never want to leave..hmm..well Steve my dear if you dont stop driving drunk..you probably will never be able to afford to leave) He continued, "Yeah I just love it at my moms house, she makes me food, and I stay up like all night playing poker online..yeah thats actually how I make my living." (Cool. Remind me to call my mom later, she always warned me against obsessive gamblers.) AND he continued, "But yeah..I like all online stuff..that reminds me do you have a facebook? I can show you my facebook if you want..I have some cool skating videos on here and...." Now his chatter continued, Its just I cant quite recall the rest of what he said, most likely because my ADD kicked in and saved the day. I instead was focused on the cute sushi man who kept smiling at me. Steve did manage to steal my attention back when he must have made a funny and started laughing,it sounded something like this...HAHAHAHA WEEEEEEEEEE! My ADD is definitely not strong enough to tune something that strange out..Did he really just say WEE? The only words that I could possibly get out of my mouth were, "Wee?" He chuckled, clearly thinking nothing of the fact that he just pretty much screamed WEE in a public area. "Yeah wee, its kinda like the thing I say when I think something is really funny." Oh....Dear...God. I flagged the waitress down, "You know I..actually..I think Im gonna have that martini..and most likely another one after that." There was no way I was going to get through this date completely sober. I was positive that if I didnt have a drink RIGHT NOW I may beat him up.
Luckily I didn't have to think of anything nice to say because he was still mindlessly speaking. The sushi chef started winking at me here and there, which in any other situation I would consider a good thing, but between Bobo's intelligent conversation and winking chef man I was beginning to feel extreme discomfort. Steve happened to notice the chefs friendly behavior and to my surprise he turned and said to me, "Oh see hes such a nice restaurant person, I just love when customer service goes that extra step to be friendly." And he pulls out a twenty dollar bill and hands it to the chef. Did my date just tip someone for silently hitting on me?...I never imagined that ever happening.
One plus from our date was that he paid for my meal. I did have to help add up the tip and the total though..which I found very ironic condsidering he told me he was practically a numbers genius.
On the way back to my house he suddenly pulled over and told me we were going to stop in this little bar real quick. Now if this bar hadn't been a few blocks from my house I would have objected, but the way I saw it I could easily run home. Except I didn't have much to worry about because literally five minutes after we walked in we had to leave because Bobo was experiencing anxiety. He told me there were just too many people in the bar and he had to get out.
Sitting infront of my place I was so relieved to be home SAFE. He wanted to come in and hang out. When he made this statement I suddenly felt as if him and I had been on two completely different dates. Did he honestly think I would invite him
in after that experience?
After this night, I can honestly say that going on dates has kind of lost its sparkle for me. I feel as if I may need to give the guy a thorough background check before accepting a date request. You will be happy to know that Bobo sent me a lovely text the next day saying "I kept waiting for some action but you were being lame." You will be even happier to know that once I read that disrespectful text I sent him the worse possible reply my mind could muster..unfortunately it is not appropriate for public viewing. Just know that I told him where to go.